I Didn't Choose to Have a Mental Illness

I didn’t choose my mental illness, it chose me.

It chose me with the hazy cloud that covers my mind with a daily forecast.

It chose me with the 2, 3, and 5 a.m. wake up calls that no sound, light or meaningful explanation could ever bring.

A handful of pills at 16 years of age when they didn’t quite do the trick, yeah, my mental illness chose me.

My depression chooses me every single day. When I go to climb out of bed, an anchor brings me back under the covers. But every time I check, there’s no anchor to be found — there’s just me.

My anxiety chooses me every time I dissect a situation 100 times over 100 days over 100 locations because the solution will never satisfy the makeup of my brain.

Mental illness is a part of who I am, but it isn’t my choice.

My choice lies in the courage and the strength I have to speak out about mental health in the face of stigma, discrimination and pure hate.

My mental illness empowers me every single time I support another person with mental health challenges with empathy, kindness and compassion because I recognize the pain since I have lived the experience.

Next time you think a person is trying too hard or not enough, consider their mental health. There is more that lies beneath the surface the waves could never uncover.

If you or someone you know needs help, please visit the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. You can also reach the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world.

The Crisis Text Line is looking for volunteers! If you’re interesting in becoming a Crisis Counselor, you can learn more information here.