This morning, I woke up OK, went upstairs, started making coffee… And was blindsided by an anxiety spike.
After a few breathing exercises and some groovy music, I was in enough control to finish getting breakfast ready and start to get ready for work. On the following drive, I could feel anxiety trying to worm its way back into my mind, grasping every foothold possible. Pulling into my parking space at work, I knew I was in trouble. I texted my support squad, let them know the situation, asked for help to make it through the day and steeled myself for a long, frustrating battle.
As work began however, I quickly realized that I could turn the tables and make anxiety work for me. Instead of focusing on the fear and panic, which is how anxiety works, I try to escape it by focusing on something else. Usually, I focus on a TV show or babble with someone to distract myself from an anxiety spike, but at work, I don’t have that luxury. What I do have is work.
So I took all of the fear and panic and stress and poured myself into my work, pushing the envelope, always asking for things to do after my responsibilities were fulfilled. It wasn’t the most exhilarating day, but it was by far my most productive since starting there three weeks ago. When anxiety tried to destroy me, I turned it on its ear and made it my bitch.
Today was a victory day. Hopefully, I can use this tactic next time anxiety tries to attack me at work. Finding ways to make your demons work for you is not the easiest. It’s taken me years to have a day like today, and I’m not 100 percent sure I’ll get a second one like it. But knowing that I was able to defeat my anxiety, and make it work in my favor, is huge.
I wish you days like this, fellow warriors. Days of victory, of success. I wish you all the hope that you will find ways to make your demons your bitches too, and that you will know how strong and empowering a day like today feels. You can do it. I know you can. Even better than that, I know you will. I did it, and so can you.
Stay strong, warriors.
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Getty Images/Thinkstock photo via kieferpix
Hey there! I'm 29, recently married, live in Michigan, USA, and am a barista at Starbucks. I enjoy spending time with my husband, who is my rock, and my stepdaughter, as well as friends and family. I'm an avid reader and writer, and am writing a blog about my journey through life with mental illness. I write to encourage, connect, and change myself and others by sharing experiences, resources, and pain, breaking the silence and stigma of mental illness, and to let others who suffer know that they are not alone. I pray one day that the words I write will have the power to change the world.
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