I'm Not a Perfect Parent. He's Not a Perfect Kid.
I’m not a perfect parent.
Sometimes I’m tired. Sometimes I’m hurt. Sometimes I’m so mentally exhausted I can’t think straight. Sometimes I’m stressed beyond belief. Sometimes I don’t do things right for my son, Kreed, or I yell too much or don’t take the time to understand.
I’m not a perfect parent.
The trick is knowing that no one is. We try, and we do our best for Kreed, but sometimes our best is not super awesome. Sometimes our best is sheer exhaustion.
Kreed sometimes has days where he rages all day. Or pees in every part of the house. Or spills food everywhere. Or yells at me all day. Or hits me. He’s not a perfect kid, either. But we love him unconditionally — to the moon and back. Turns out Kreed also loves us unconditionally and forgives us when we have just as shitty days. These dimples sure help.
We’d like to think we can be there 100 percent for our kids every second of every day. Sometimes we’re just tired parents. Who wouldn’t be after waking up every two hours at night to put their child back to bed? Who wouldn’t be after cleaning up another mess left for us while we shut our eyes for just. a. second.
That’s they way it goes. Like I said, our kids aren’t perfect either. Some days the world is too much, and it’s so much easier to hit and yell and not use a toilet. I get it, I do. Some days Kreed just wants Five Guys for every meal and doesn’t understand that’s not OK. He’s hungry, and he wants their fries, damn it. So we fight and yell and have it out. Then he apologies, I apologize and life goes on.
Sometimes life feels like a repeat. Sometimes nothing changes, and it’s a struggle to get through. Other days are amazing. Some days are both. I’m not a perfect parent, and he’s not a perfect kid. So that’s how that goes.
But as long as we keep progress in mind — not perfection — I think we’ll be all right. Last year we were at the end of eight months of pure hell. He raged and hurt himself and me badly day after day. He was restrained constantly to keep him from destroying his body or the house or me. I think I went to a part of myself and my brain that kept the full weight of those eight months far from my consciousness. Now I can barely recall it, and I guess don’t want to. It’s a year later, and there’s much to celebrate.
This is not always an easy life. Some days will be better than others. Sometimes the bad days stack up, and you hardly remember what a good day looks like. But it will come. It will be a smile, a nod, a moment of wonderful — something — and the world will be OK for that time — five seconds, five minutes, five hours. That’s what we hold on to.
And remember it’s OK. We’re not perfect. We try our hardest, and we love, love, love. And often that’s what saves us all.
Editor’s note: It is with a heavy heart we share the news that Kreed passed away on May 8, 2016. Our hearts are with his family, and we’re so grateful to help keep his memory alive on our site. He was truly one of the mighty.