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Asperger Syndrome, Because of You I Have My Unique Treasure

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Asperger syndrome, because of you, I never know what the day will bring when it comes to life with my son.

Because of you, my family and I live in two different worlds, the “typical”and the “special” — never quite knowing where we fit in.

Because of you, it feels like we’re constantly running a race but falling just short of the finish line.

Because of you, I don’t know when the next meltdown will come. When it does come, I feel like it’s my fault. I should have done this or I could have done that… All I want to do is speak my son’s language and give him what he needs

Because of you, I don’t know if I’ll be able to comfort my son when he’s having a hard time, and it breaks my heart.

Because of you, I question what my son needs in any given moment, despite having a mother’s intuition.

Because of you, second guessing is a game I play all too well. It’s my living hell.

Because of you, I mourn things not looking the way I thought they should.

Because of you, I feel guilty when my frustration, fear, sadness and hopelessness shows.

Because of you, I have to constantly remind myself that despite my son’s abilities and achievements, he has delays in other areas, and I have to constantly adjust my expectations, all while balancing his potential and encouraging him to go as far as he can go.

Because of you, I’ve cried so many tears that could never be counted, just like the grains of sand on a beach or stars in the sky.

Because of you, moments in my son’s life have more meaning. From seeing my son walk for the first time when he was over 2 years old, to strangers embracing him for the unique, talented, loving individual he is.

Because of you, I don’t know what amazing thing my son will say, think or do next.

Because of you, I’ll hold my son’s hand even if I don’t understand. I’ll never stop trying, even through all of the crying.

Because of you, I get to live in my son’s world, a world where no one is old and instead of “Killing two birds with one stone” we “pick two flowers with one hand.”

Because of you, I’m more vulnerable. At times this can make me feel weak, but as I embrace the vulnerability I realize it’s actually making me stronger.

Because of you, I’m starting to embrace all the unique things about myself.

Because of you, my son will do things in this world I could never imagine. He is making and will continue to make the world a better place just by being who he is.

Because of you, I’m empowering my son to embrace who he is — not a diagnosis but a person who has great passions, talents, love and an amazing way of thinking that just happens to be combined with a sensitivity to sounds, challenges with social skills, filtering and expressing his feelings.

Because of you, I have my son, my unique treasure who I love beyond measure.

Editor’s Note: The title of this post has been changed to better represent the writer’s piece. 

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Originally published: March 16, 2015
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