When My Daughter on the Autism Spectrum Said, 'I Don't Like Being 5'
Today in a preschool Zoom speech class, my daughter interrupted the teacher and randomly asked, “How old are you?”
The teacher kindly responded, “Thanks for asking, I’m 41 and I know you are 5.” I was attempting to get her to drop the subject and attend to the lesson when she responded with,
“Yeah, I don’t like being 5. I want to be 41 so I can have my own ‘puter (computer) and type everything on my own and have my own meetings. And I get to go to wine tastings and do things like adults do.”
As you can imagine we all laughed, as I’m sure you did when you read this as well (What 5-year-old wants to go wine tasting?) and quickly attempted to get back to pronouncing rhyming words with the other kids. At that moment though, I looked at my daughter’s serious face and realized that she didn’t think it was funny. Those words meant so much more to her.
See, this bright and driven 5-year-old doesn’t think like the typical 5-year-old. She just doesn’t. Her brain is wired directly and always has been. In addition to various medical reports and evaluations that affirm this, as a mother, I have always felt it deeply and seen the beauty in her uniqueness every day.
Most 5-year-olds don’t plan elaborate birthday parties, delegating tasks to others and constantly thinking up new and creative ideas.
Most 5-year-olds don’t have concrete goals of being a scientist who will “make medicine” to help people. She wants to get a “PD” (Ph.D.) and be called “Dr.”
Most 5-year-olds don’t ask (sometimes daily) when they will be an adult and have their own job and money.
Most 5-year-olds don’t constantly ask their parents to write letters to famous scientists and successful women asking very insightful questions about their jobs and wondering if they can work with them one day.
And I can begin to understand the frustration she feels, since she is only 5, yet has all of these big ideas and questions. At this age, her job is to play, learn the alphabet and numbers and learn to make friends with other kids. And although she works on all of these typical 5-year-old goals, it is hard for her. She doesn’t always see the connection and processes this information slowly. It takes a lot of repetition and effort.
And she does it. Every day. Even though it’s hard, she pushes through and does the work.
I’ve learned that words (even from a 5-year-old) mean so much more when you dig deep. This girl is a big picture thinker. She always has been. It’s how she sees the world. It’s how her brain is wired. She’s always asking questions about how people and facts are connected and why things are the way they are.
And I know although being 5 is easy for many typical kids, being 5 is complicated for her.
My beautiful daughter, keep on dreaming, continue to speak your mind and show the world the beauty of neurodivergence. I promise I will listen closely to your words. I see you for everything you are and will always listen to your heart.
And one day, you won’t be 5 anymore. You’ll have your own career and responsibilities and if there is one thing I am certain of, you are going places and I can’t wait to see it.
Getty image by Natalie_.