Her Parents Want Her Brother With Autism to Move In With Her. She Said No.
For some parents of people with special needs, it’s a question always in the back of their minds: who will take care of my child when I’m gone? Some expect their other children to fill their shoes, while others wonder if it’s fair to ask it of them.
After 24-year-old Reddit user Throwautistic had a tense conversation with her parents about the future of her brother with autism, she turned to an online community for advice. The user’s parents expect her to move her brother, who’s five years younger than her, into her home and offer him full-time care after they pass away. The young woman would prefer to find him an assisted living facility where he can be more independent. According to the user, her parents see this as abandoning her brother.
“They told me I was being selfish and they were very hurt that I wouldn’t help him,” the user wrote. “My parents are so sad and I don’t know what to say to comfort them. What can I do? Am I being too selfish? Some insight would really help me.”
More than 200 comments rolled in. Redditors responded with words support and advice. Take a look at a few answers:
1. “You are an adult. You have the right to make your own decisions. Do what works for you.”
2. “I’m watching my mother deal with a high-needs sibling (not autistic so not quite the same) and even with the sibling in a home, it is [expletive] hard. It’s not a question of loving or not loving your sibling, and it’s not a question of abandonment. It’s a question of the reality of a high-needs condition.”
3. “Having your brother in a supported group home is not abandoning him. It’s allowing him to have his own life.”
4. “Has anyone asked your brother what he wants to do? He’s a person with wants, needs, and desires too.”
5. “Separately clarify to your brother that just because you are moving away does not mean that he isn’t loved by you.”
See the whole conversation here.
What’s your take? Should brothers and sisters be expected to take care of their siblings? Let us know in the comments below.
Melissa McGlensey is the former News Editor at The Mighty. Her writing can also be seen in Ms. Magazine, on the Ms.Magazine blog and in The Huffington Post’s Good News, Comedy and Impact sections. Melissa is also a New York City comedian who does sketch, improv and stand up. She is passionate about social justice, politics, Thai food, literature, disability rights and more. She is currently in a long-distance relationship with her cat, Sneakers, who lives in California. You can follow her on twitter at @OhHeyMeliss.
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