I used to have a blog.
Actually I’m probably one of the original bloggers. I’ve had blogs since before blogs were a thing. In fact, even before the internet was common, I would write my thoughts in a notebook and then let anyone read it if they were even mildly interested.
Writing has always been my way of communicating with the world.
But recently, someone I thought of as a friend did a hard Google search on me and found al of my old blogs dating back to the beginning of time. Which wouldn’t have been bad… I knew they were on the internet and I never wrote anything that I was ashamed of. I always wrote the truth. My truth.
But she misconstrued everything I wrote, in such horrible ways. She twisted my words until she had. Hi,t me up as a monster in her imagination.
I don’t know if she has her own mental health issues she’s battling, it seems like it. But when my past and current blogs because something she was perseverating on constantly, I had to delete them all for my own safety and peace of mind.
But I’m lost without a blog. So many things I’ve been wanting to tell the world, but I can’t!
So I’ve decided to start writing here.
I know this isn’t exactly a blogging platform, but it’s a place where I can express my thoughts and feelings to people who might understand and might even be interested.
So if you’re wondering, my name is Butterfly (not really, but it’s what I’m calling myself to keep myself somewhat anonymous so nobody I know in real life can find a way to use my own words to destroy me.) I live in a weird little town where everyone knows everyone else’s business and almost everyone is just a little bit……. Well, let’s just say I like to call this place the Island of Misfit Toys. I’m a 43 year old who looks 14, lives in overalls and weeklies, loves painting, adores animals, and contends with autism, ADHD, depression, anxiety, and probably more.
If you read my posts, I hope you’ll stop to say hi!
I've written before about how I was misdiagnosed as bipolar for a few decades, and the therapies and various prescription medicines never helped me. In fact, they nearly killed me.
In my last year on the meds, I got lithium toxicity, and was rushed to a trauma center a hundred miles from home, and spent a week in ICU. That was the autumn of 2021, and I am still recovering now in February 2023.
Yesterday I saw my third psychiatrist in a row who told me I had never been bipoloar, but I am Autistic. This time he put it all on paper, and entered it into my medical records. I guess that means it's official. Or maybe 'I' am official? Nah. I'm still just me.
I never had an inkling that I might be Autistic before sometime last summer, when I read a story in The Mighty by someone who found out accidentally that she was Autistic while she was having one of her children tested and assessed. When she described her life and her challenges, she sounded to me like she was describing my own life.
From that point onward, I started reading everything that I could get my hands on about the Autism Spectrum.
Then there were the internet tests, the books with tests, and finally talking to doctors and to Autistics.
Eventually, I was convinced beyond any reason of a doubt that I myself was, and am Autistic. Thereafter, I brought it up with my psychiatrist, and it took off from there.
That brings me back to yesterday, and the third psychiatrist to agree, and who added it into my medical record.
Now if I can get my General Practitioner to remove the bipolar label from my record there, I will feel like I can finally relax a little.
I don't have a problem with bipolar in itself. I just have a major problem with being misdiagnosed for decades and spending the bulk of my money on therapy and prescriptions that kept me physically exhausted and in a heavy mental fog for decades, and didn't help me in any way. I feel like the majority of my life was wasted.
So to have the label removed from my records is removing a constant painful reminder of all the life that I missed in my youth and middle age.
I am going to spend the rest of my years as a happy, grateful Autistic old dude. Peace be with you all.
♾️♾️♾️
🖖
#Autistic #actuallyautistic #audhd #ADHD #Autism #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #AutismAcceptance #Stimming #Dysgraphia #dyscalcula #pathologicaldemandavoidance #PDA #AutisticInertia #AutisticBurnout
#EFD #ExecutiveFunctionDisorder #executivedysfunction #RejectionSensitiveDysphoria #RSD
#ReactiveAttachmentDisorder #rad #MajorDepressiveDisorder #MDD #Dysthymia #Specialinterest
#Hyperfocus #hypervigilant #SensoryOverstimulation #SensoryIssues #SensoryPain
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I have an upcoming trip scheduled to visit my husband's family for a week. His father passed in 2021 so it's only his mom currently at the house.
I am #Autistic and am usually triggered into anxiety when I am in someone else's space for an extended period of time. I feel like I can't fully be myself in this space and the masking causes extreme overload.
In the past, after about 3 or 4 days, I usually end up having a meltdown for a couple of hours. Locking myself in a room alone.
Does anyone have tips or advice for mitigating this?
I cannot completely unmask in front of my MIL, she is an evangelical Christian and I am an atheist with a dark sense of humor. We have an okay relationship, but she will never know me fully.
hi, I’m new to the mighty. I’d never heard of this app before my therapist suggested it as a way to try to expand my social circle with like-minded individuals since I have a hard time making new friends. I’m #neurodivergent (diagnosed #ADHD , but possibly also #Autistic ) and also deal with #generalanxietydisorder, major treatment resistant #Depression , and food issues. I am a previous patient of ECT therapy.
some other info about me: I’m #nonbinary and my pronouns are they/them; I’m also queer. I’m fat and learning to love my body, and trying to dress the way I want despite years of being afraid to. I really like punk/goth/alternative fashion but I also love tie-dying and Crocs so I’m trying to reconcile all that. I love tattoos (I have three so far) and piercings (6 facial so far). I like going to Disneyland but kind of abhor them as a corporation. I love animals of all kinds and I have a dog and two snakes who live with me, plus two cats with my parents. I used to love writing and reading a lot more; I’ve actually won several poetry competitions, but due to my depression and subsequent ECT treatment I have a hard time cognitively and it’s become quite difficult for me to read or write more than a short post on social media.
I’m starting to realize how much I miss socializing now that I’m not as depressed as I used to be and I’d love to find community and maybe even some friends. Photo is of me in case anyone is curious. The sweater is Sauron-themed because I love LOTR.
I'm #Autistic and that means I don't understand unwritten rules that "validate" (they don't to me) breaking the written rules.
I'm sick of being stepped all over because of this.
#SchizoaffectiveDisorder #sza #Schizophrenia #Autism #ASD #Autistic #AutisticAdults #AutismAcceptance #Aspergers #neurodiverse #Neurodiversity #TheNeurodiverseCrowd #MentalHealth #SchizophreniaQuestions #Depression #Disability #Hope #Christianity
Hello Mighty members!
I want to keep this to a reasonable length. I was diagnosed with autism disorder and schizoaffective disorder fairly recently in my life (5 years ago, as I was finishing up a Master’s degree in Psychology). In hindsight, I think autism helps to explain a lot of things that I have struggled. Though my parents, particularly my father don’t completely understand, I think it is wonderful that I was able to qualify and obtain a Community Living Waiver that my state and county offers. It is helping to obtain transportation which is helping me get to work. I am hoping that with work I will be able to afford housing and so that I can move and be more independent. (As I currently live with my parents.) I also applied and was able to get EBT/SNAP. In the past I was a bit fearful as my father has strong views and would see it as a crutch, so it took me a while until I was sure that he was OK with my getting it.
For schizoaffective disorder, it had come up fairly recently in my life as I was completing my Master’s. I talk more about it if you are interested in my other posts. I am taking Abilify and Invega and Zoloft which I find to be helpful with ameliorating my symptoms. I also believe that talk therapy is helping me to better myself and if I have any issues that come up that I find helpful talking about.
I am wondering if anyone might have some insight or feedback regarding my situation. I am currently a Dishwasher at a retirement community. It took me a while to find and get this job. (As I am trying to avoid jobs that would involve a lot of social interaction.) I think due to past mental health, I am looking at part-time work currently. Though I’m also interested in full-time. What options do you think are obtainable or reasonable for someone in my situation?
When I was doing well, I was a good student (getting mostly A’s and B’s in my courses). I was interested in the research side and helped several professors with individual research projects. (One for Analytical chemistry, one for Biochemistry which ended up being my undergraduate Honors thesis. And then for Quantitative Psychology which I did for my Master’s degree.) I want to get into research again or at some point in my career. I have different stressors at my current job as a Dishwasher. But for getting into research, I find that I’ve struggled due to lack of practical experience and connections. (Being on the autism spectrum, I find that I struggle with communication, advocating for myself, and with talking to people.) I had talked with a crisis line and they said that it might be harder with my conditions, but it is definitely doable.
Thank you for your interest and responses!
#SchizoaffectiveDisorder #sza #Schizophrenia #Autism #ASD #Autistic #AutisticAdults #AutismAcceptance #Aspergers #neurodiverse #Neurodiversity #TheNeurodiverseCrowd #MentalHealth #SchizophreniaQuestions #Depression #Disability #Hope #Christianity
Hello Mighty members!
I want to keep this to a reasonable length. I was diagnosed with autism disorder and schizoaffective disorder fairly recently in my life (5 years ago, as I was finishing up a Master’s degree in Psychology). In hindsight, I think autism helps to explain a lot of things that I have struggled. Though my parents, particularly my father don’t completely understand, I think it is wonderful that I was able to qualify and obtain a Community Living Waiver that my state and county offers. It is helping to obtain transportation which is helping me get to work. I am hoping that with work I will be able to afford housing and so that I can move and be more independent. (As I currently live with my parents.) I also applied and was able to get EBT/SNAP. In the past I was a bit fearful as my father has strong views and would see it as a crutch, so it took me a while until I was sure that he was OK with my getting it.
For schizoaffective disorder, it had come up fairly recently in my life as I was completing my Master’s. I talk more about it if you are interested in my other posts. I am taking Abilify and Invega and Zoloft which I find to be helpful with ameliorating my symptoms. I also believe that talk therapy is helping me to better myself and if I have any issues that come up that I find helpful talking about.
I am wondering if anyone might have some insight or feedback regarding my situation. I am currently a Dishwasher at a retirement community. It took me a while to find and get this job. (As I am trying to avoid jobs that would involve a lot of social interaction.) I think due to past mental health, I am looking at part-time work currently. Though I’m also interested in full-time. What options do you think are obtainable or reasonable for someone in my situation?
When I was doing well, I was a good student (getting mostly A’s and B’s in my courses). I was interested in the research side and helped several professors with individual research projects. (One for Analytical chemistry, one for Biochemistry which ended up being my undergraduate Honors thesis. And then for Quantitative Psychology which I did for my Master’s degree.) I want to get into research again or at some point in my career. I have different stressors at my current job as a Dishwasher. But for getting into research, I find that I’ve struggled due to lack of practical experience and connections. (Being on the autism spectrum, I find that I struggle with communication, advocating for myself, and with talking to people.) I had talked with a crisis line and they said that it might be harder with my conditions, but it is definitely doable.
Thank you for your interest and responses!
#SchizoaffectiveDisorder #sza #Schizophrenia #Autism #ASD #Autistic #AutisticAdults #AutismAcceptance #Aspergers #neurodiverse #Neurodiversity #TheNeurodiverseCrowd #MentalHealth #SchizophreniaQuestions #Depression #Disability #Hope #Christianity
Hello Mighty members!
I want to keep this to a reasonable length. I was diagnosed with autism disorder and schizoaffective disorder fairly recently in my life (5 years ago, as I was finishing up a Master’s degree in Psychology). In hindsight, I think autism helps to explain a lot of things that I have struggled. Though my parents, particularly my father don’t completely understand, I think it is wonderful that I was able to qualify and obtain a Community Living Waiver that my state and county offers. It is helping to obtain transportation which is helping me get to work. I am hoping that with work I will be able to afford housing and so that I can move and be more independent. (As I currently live with my parents.) I also applied and was able to get EBT/SNAP. In the past I was a bit fearful as my father has strong views and would see it as a crutch, so it took me a while until I was sure that he was OK with my getting it.
For schizoaffective disorder, it had come up fairly recently in my life as I was completing my Master’s. I talk more about it if you are interested in my other posts. I am taking Abilify and Invega and Zoloft which I find to be helpful with ameliorating my symptoms. I also believe that talk therapy is helping me to better myself and if I have any issues that come up that I find helpful talking about.
I am wondering if anyone might have some insight or feedback regarding my situation. I am currently a Dishwasher at a retirement community. It took me a while to find and get this job. (As I am trying to avoid jobs that would involve a lot of social interaction.) I think due to past mental health, I am looking at part-time work currently. Though I’m also interested in full-time. What options do you think are obtainable or reasonable for someone in my situation?
When I was doing well, I was a good student (getting mostly A’s and B’s in my courses). I was interested in the research side and helped several professors with individual research projects. (One for Analytical chemistry, one for Biochemistry which ended up being my undergraduate Honors thesis. And then for Quantitative Psychology which I did for my Master’s degree.) I want to get into research again or at some point in my career. I have different stressors at my current job as a Dishwasher. But for getting into research, I find that I’ve struggled due to lack of practical experience and connections. (Being on the autism spectrum, I find that I struggle with communication, advocating for myself, and with talking to people.) I had talked with a crisis line and they said that it might be harder with my conditions, but it is definitely doable.
Thank you for your interest and responses!
#SchizoaffectiveDisorder #sza #Schizophrenia #Autism #Autistic #AutisticAdults #Aspergers #neurodiverse #Neurodiversity #TheNeurodiverseCrowd #MentalHealth #SchizophreniaQuestions #Depression #Disability #Hope #Christianity
Hello everyone!
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety in high school, currently I’m being treated for autism disorder and schizoaffective disorder.
I never really thought that I’d struggled with schizoaffective disorder until I received the diagnosis. It was terrifying for me. I was going through completing a Master’s and gradually I started feeling like I was losing my sense of self. I was thinking things that I don’t normally do, one example and I’m glad that I have it but I can look back to Spotify Top 100 playlists of the year. And I can see that my thinking was not doing great the years that I got my diagnosis and was recovering.
I can remember thinking unusual thoughts like I was a God or doing things on the level of a god. I used to spend most of my time focused on trying to influence the weather or in trying to find secret meaning in posts and news articles, trying to collect research articles on weather or other conspiracies. I wasn’t in a good place. I also drank a lot of alcohol which I know isn’t a great idea, but at the time I thought that it would exacerbate the symptoms of the weather having unusual events (which was some proof for me that I was a God or doing things on that level).
While I’m glad that I had the support of family, I don’t currently get along great with my father - he terrifies me. I feel like he has the perspective mental health isn’t really a thing nor is being on the autism spectrum (which is the other major diagnosis that I have). I can see that he wants me to be as independent and successful as I can. But he has such a menacing aura, I struggle talking with him and try to stay clear as much as I can.
My last major episode was a couple of months back in August/September 2022, I thought that people from major corporations like Amazon were controlling me like using stomach sounds like a clicker/trigger to try to create entertainment or media which I didn’t like. I feel like my symptoms weren’t as bad as I can look through playlists and realize that mostly my thinking was OK. But there were still residual I wasn’t doing OK. I think doing talk therapy and my Dad getting a prescription for abilify had helped and I feel like mostly since then I’ve been managing normally.
I’m currently working a job as a dishwasher which I know isn’t a lifelong or hopefully I’d work towards a job that would be a closer fit. To be honest I had a lot of anxiety when I was starting, as I had difficult experiences with the last job that I’d worked at, as a graduate assistant during my Master’s program. I have had a good experience the past week and I’m hoping to build my confidence and references so that I can apply for better positions. One benefit is that having a job will allow me to earn the income so that I can seek housing through an autism waiver and move out. Something that my father and I both want.
I feel like the abilify and talk therapy have helped, I realize that my conditions are lifelong but they help to make things more manageable. I’m grateful for the community on The Mighty and getting to share my story with you guys.