“You seem so chill.”
“You seem happy and calm.”
“I’ve never seen you in a high-energy state.”
• What is Bipolar disorder?
I’ve been told I don’t “look bipolar” by a couple people. But my question is, what does bipolar disorder look like? It looks different in every person. Someone with bipolar may seem very calm and sad, while another will seem extremely energetic and positive. Another with bipolar may seem completely “normal,” despite being extremely depressed or having racing thoughts. One can be symptomatic but appear completely fine.
There’s a thing called mood incongruence: when you smile during times of depression, for example. Or when you seem calm while extremely anxious.
I might not “seem bipolar” because I’m on medication that works these days. I might not “seem bipolar” because I smile while I’m depressed and dying inside. I might not “seem bipolar” because my hypomania seems like normal happiness, while the reality is I feel like I could implode at any minute from the racing thoughts and dangerous urges.
You might be wondering why I felt the need to write about this. Well, I just find that while it’s great I don’t “look sick,” it feels rather invalidating of my experiences. When someone says it, oftentimes in a condescending tone, it feels as though my experience with the illness is completely erased.
Has anyone else experienced this? And how does it make you feel?
Getty Images photo via cyano66
Kaden M (he/they) is a graduate student, working towards obtaining an MFA in creative writing. He is writing a fiction novel, a nonfiction memoir, and a book of poems. He loves traveling, books, dogs, and is an advocate for mental illness and neurodiversity. He has also recently come out as queer and trans and wants to be an advocate for this community as well. He writes about many conditions, including: Bipolar disorder, depression, OCD, ADHD, anxiety, (C)PTSD, Anorexia, Borderline Personality, learning disabilities, Autism/Sensory processing issues... in other words, his experiences with mental illness and as a neurodivergent individual. Kaden also advocates, shares his stories, and general positivity (Oh, and photos of his two dogs!) on his public instagram account @obsessive.but.awesome
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