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To People With Borderline Personality Disorder Who Assume They'll Never Find Love

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Doing the bare essentials when struggling with a condition isn’t easy. Don’t even get me started on how daunting the search for a safe, secure, fulfilling and happy relationship is! Being a borderline personality disorder (BPD) challenger makes it just a tiny bit more difficult, and we all know this. Yet is it the end-all, be-all of everything? I dare to say, “No!”

Today, if you’re questioning your worth and whether you’re ever going to be loved or cared for, stop.

Nothing screams “self-fulfilling prophecy” than what we have been doing, and what I suspect we will continue to do. Don’t blame yourself though; it comes with the territory (we call it self-sabotage in BPD parlance). Just recognize it, acknowledge it and let it pass.

While we’re at it, I’m also going to look at it from another angle. Guaranteed, it can be challenging to be the non-borderline in a relationship, but it does not mean that he/she is virtuous, all-knowing and always in the right. A borderline challenger/non-borderline relationship (or even a borderline challenger/borderline challenger one) probably has more than it’s fair share of problems. Yet, what relationship doesn’t? There’s some wisdom in that old phrase, “It takes two hands to clap.”

One final thought: Whether you act out or act in, BPD can often give you a pretty tough time in the aftermath of a relationship that has reached its end. However, this is time you can use to understand what went wrong, both from your side and the other person’s. Write it down. Let it out. Hatred, anger, fear, sorrow, joy, relief, satisfaction and everything else. You don’t have to do anything about it immediately. But when you are strong enough to start working on yourself again, you’ll know exactly what to look for in a prospective partner. Because he/she is out there. And you know it as well as I do.

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Thinkstock photo via jacoblund

Originally published: June 30, 2017
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