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When a Hopeless Romantic Has Borderline Personality Disorder

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When we fall, we fall hard. Nothing we do is soft, graceful nor classy. Rather it is hard, tough, uncouth, aggressive love. It is a love that is driven. Driven by pain, by the unabating desire to “get it right.”

Through fear of failure, we push those we love to the point of panic.

They question, “Will anything ever be good enough?”

In retrospect, we ask ourselves the same question. “Will it?”

The unanswerable is terrifying and the usual question arises. “Am I a monster?” Yet in its contradiction, internally we feel confused because our hearts feel so big.

But that is only a feeling. In reality there exists uncertainty and sadness. Are “we” really the cause?

How do we know we will not end up alone? Who will put up with me? I ask myself time and time again. Yet the feeling of having a manic episode is almost overwhelming, it is like an addiction. Will this addiction be greater than that of eradicating the sense of abandonment we feel consistently from those who we love most?

As hopeless romantics, we try and try again to build upon a false sense of hope, a false sense of emotions, in hope that this relentless feeling of solitude will one day go away.

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Thinkstock photo via Grandfailure

Originally published: November 7, 2017
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