5 Ways People With Borderline Personality Disorder Have Great Personalities

Living with a personality disorder like borderline personality disorder (BPD) comes with intense emotions. That’s exactly how I summarize the disorder for others: intense emotions and poor coping skills for dealing with those emotions. Skills and coping tools can be learned in therapy though, especially with DBT (dialectical behavior therapy), but you are still left with big emotions. No matter how many skills I use to act in a healthy, non-destructive way, it will never take away that I tend to feel more deeply than most people.

When I feel extremely sad or embarrassed or angry or ashamed, it’s difficult to appreciate my big emotions. It’s painful. But on the other side of the coin, I also feel joy and love and excitement way more deeply too. Those moments are beautiful. I can go from despondent to elated to mere minutes, which in itself can be an uncomfortable quick change. But the deep happiness is part of what makes life worth living.

BPD comes with its fair share of stigma, such as that we are difficult clients or difficult to have relationships with. I think that’s a very simplified view of the disorder and who we are as people. Intense emotions without skills can be difficult, but our deep hearts can make for great personalities, too.

We asked people in The Mighty’s BPD community to share something about their personality they love. Here are their responses.

1. We are great listeners.

“I am more mindful of making sure everyone is heard when they have something they want to say. I validate people’s feelings and POV because I know how hard it is when you’re dismissed.” — Melody B.

“I read people extremely well and am able to notice the small hints when people aren’t doing well, but are great at hiding it. This makes it so I’m able to really be there for people who might not be confident enough yet to tell people how they’re really feeling.” — J. Gabrielle B.

2. We go above and beyond for others.

“I never want anyone to be in pain or to struggle, so I’ll always help those in need, even when I’m only just holding myself together.” — Hetty K.

“How big it made my heart. I care so deeply for people that it’s made me constantly look for ways to help others, and in today’s society that’s super important.” — Amanda M.

3. We are fiercely loyal.

“I love how fiercely loyal my BPD makes me… when I find people I connect well with, they know that they have my friendship and support for as long as they need.” — Carina S.

“I care so much about the people in my life; family, friends and coworkers. When they’re down, I feel down. When they’re happy, I’m happy. And I always try my best to do whatever I can to make them happy and give them nothing but love and support.” — Tamara P.

4. We love with all our hearts.

“When I love, I love with everything. I feel it deep to the depths of my core… it can be love for a partner, a friend, a sensation, an emotion, a passion or a hobby.” — Kole F.

“My capacity to love. I’ve a huge heart and although to wear that on my sleeve can be so daunting, to embrace that vulnerability, my love and loyalty goes deep for those who I have connected with on a meaningful level.” — Sarah S.

5. We feel intense joy, too.

“My therapist once told me that even with all the bad feeling I should always remember that my happiness will always beat her happiness — the depth of happy I feel.” — Lauren K.

“I feel everything 10 times stronger than ‘neurotypicals,’ which is often extremely painful, but the happiness and love are felt are stronger too.” — Hetty K.

If you have borderline personality disorder, what would you add?