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    Community Voices

    Where did I go wrong, when all I did was try to help.

    Hi. Sorry this might be a little long, I hope you stay with me because I just need someone to listen. I don’t have that. I’m 42 years old. I was married the first time at 20. I found out he was addiceted to drugs and alcohol, but I wasn’t going to give up on him,no, I stayed. This is the part I’m so ashamed of, he got violent me and still I tried to fix him. I thought that if we could just get past this part, he would go to college that you could finish fast, then he would get a good job, and we could get a home, have a couple of kids, and on Mother’s Day and my birthday or for no reason at all he would make me breakfast in bed, or we’d all go to the lake and play around in the water and the dog would be with us, we’d have a fireplace and out Christmas’ would be lit up and amazing ( right now I dread Christmas) take vacations. I could go on…..I tried so hard for a long time to help him. Then he got more violent and locked me in our house, thought I was talking to other guys by the way that I ran the water, he was with me all the time, I was never out of his sight. Yes in the bathroom. He listened in on all conversations. Screwed windows shut and put big blankets over the https://windows.Before all that I had known that I had to leave. And I had tried. If I ran out the door if it happened to be open he went after me and caught me, I would scream to, and at that time we were living in Las Vegas. But no one came, no one called 911. I was in that relationship for 6 years. After that I thought I will never trust another guy, I never want to be in another relationship. The end of my first relationship was beating, rape. I happen to go to a testing thing for online school and he was just staring at me, he wouldn’t do anything else. I secretly wrote a letter to the lady that had to watch over me taking the test. And I told him that I was going to ask to go to the bathroom, I knew he would follow me, on the note I wrote help me please call 911 he has a gun and for me he was only charged with 5th degree assault. I was so so mad. There is more, I hope you’re not annoyed with me. I’m tired of typing so maybe I’ll write more tomorrow. Love ya all. Stay safe

    Community Voices

    Reckoning with the generational abuse/trauma

    I have been hearing my aunt about the abuse my mom had to deal with growing up and how they lived surrounded by so much abuse ( SA was the most prevalent in the house by her dads brother plus verbal/emotional/physical ) and it made me realize that it was decided even before I was born how I would be treated. It deprived of having a healthy home life and a loving relationship with my mom. How could she protect me from the emotional verbal abuse if she wasn’t protected as a child. It’s like it was decided 5 decades ago how I was going to be treated- how tragic. I can’t be angry at the dead.

    Community Voices

    Finally my mind is quiet

    <p>Finally my mind is quiet</p>
    3 people are talking about this
    Amanda Van Eps

    Patient Management and Consent in a Post-Roe Era

    I was diagnosed with a brain tumor in 2020 as an incidental finding after a routine MRI for migraines during the height of the pandemic. This was not my first diagnosis with a chronic or invisible illness, but proved to be an annoying diagnosis. I say this because it came with more questions than answers. Until you have the tumor removed or biopsied, there is no way to be 100% sure exactly what it is beyond the educated guesses of your amazing medical team. In what I thought would be unrelated, I had an IUD eject itself a month or so prior to finding the tumor, so I was in the market for a new form of protection and menstrual control. Because I also have POTS, birth control has been extremely helpful in controlling some related blood pressure and migraine symptoms. While updating my OBGYN provider to get a new IUD, I was refused until I received clearance from my neurologist. The reasoning was that the hormones from birth control may or may not worsen the status of the tumor. Now while I agree it is the provider’s job to inform the patient, the patient’s consent is the only consent that matters. As if I didn’t understand the repercussions when the duality of the hormones from an unwanted pregnancy wouldn’t be just as precarious, but obviously more so. My medical history is complex and nuanced and that IUD helps manage other conditions I must deal with on a daily basis. I did not have the luxury of just managing the tumor and leaving other conditions and their symptoms to be reactive. I wrote my neurologist a light, but snarky email about how I’d rather be afflicted by the hormones of birth control than those of an unwanted pregnancy. His office faxed a letter to my OBGYN to clear me for my IUD, but the fact I had to ask him for birth control sits oddly to this day. I share my story because we are now in a post-Roe climate where patient autonomy, needs, and consent are often secondary to blanketed thought. Thirty-eight percent of American women face one or more chronic illnesses. The symptomatic nuance chronic illness places on childbearing years will never see the inside of a courtroom because justices are not qualified physicians. These blanket bans by the states will never know how to regulate exceptions, acknowledge women as whole patients, or address their patient outcomes. Now that the Supreme Court has asserted that all uterus-bearing patients no longer have the right to privacy, there is no longer a threshold or standard for patient care independent of a state’s belief systems. Risk assessments are no longer the choice of just the patient, depending on your location. Where does this leave an already complicated relationship between physicians, their patients, and the conditions they’ve vowed to treat?

    Community Voices

    Why don’t they care?

    This requires some background. I was diagnosed with FND (Functional Neurological Disorder) in 2017. For those not in the know, that means that the emotional portion of my brain (specifically the amygdala) has a very strong pathway connected to my involuntary functions, brain stem, speech and processing centers, and motor reflexes. My NeuroPsych thinks I was actually born with FND (usually develops due to trauma, often complex trauma in young individuals), meaning I’ve never been “normal”. But we didn’t figure any of this out until I was 33. Until I’d been taking 22 pills every morning for a host of diagnoses I didn’t actually have and the symptoms of which weren’t getting better. Doctors accused me of lying, family got upset, all of which stressed me out causing, you guessed it, more symptoms. We figured it out though, so everything should be fixed since we know what to treat right? Uh huh. Show me a life without any stress and I’ll ask what time the funeral is. I’m getting things together(ish), I’ve accepted that disability is just where I’m at. I have generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety, and complex PTSD, great additions to FND. My dad at the time is dating who would become ex-wife number three.

    Dad loves me in his way, but untreated bipolar paired with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) doesn’t create the safest or stablest of environments. Their marriage imploded, because she was unstable. Anyone who attacks someone like a monkey clinging to their back and then threatens their daughter to try and force them to do what she says; unstable by my definition. Out of a year of marriage, they were together 3 months. I’ve always been a daddy’s girl, even once I saw what was happening, how damaging our relationship could be to me. So I supported him through it all. That was three years ago. She walked back into his life this spring and apparently I’m supposed to just forget it all. Pretend she’s a completely different person, forget that she put him in the ER, forget the abusive phone calls and voice messages she left on my phone to try and get at him, forget that she threatened my life if he didn’t do what she said.

    I put a boundary in place. One year. If she’s truly changed, then she’ll still be that same person a year from now, and I’ll feel safe with proof. One year with no fits, no attacks, no suicide threats or arrests, and no asking for money. That’s what the first marriage felt like, her gold digging. If she loves him, then she loves him for him and doesn’t need his money. Except he’s suddenly constantly broke. A man who has a steady monthly income that’s half what I live on in an entire year, is strained for cash. Then he starts pushing. “She says hi.” No. I said no contact. “Can’t you just say hi over the phone?” No. I said no contact. “You’re going to lose your relationship with me. I hope you understand the consequences of your actions.” This is the consequence of her actions. She threatened me, attacked you, made me feel unsafe. Now to feel comfortable, I need proof of her growth. That is a consequence of her actions. “You’re shifting the blame, you need to take responsibility.”

    That was when I pointed out that a big part of this year is because I need to protect myself. I’m overweight, making me 5x more likely than the average person to have a heart attack. I have an irregular heartbeat, making my heart more likely to have a health event. I have FND, making me 10x more likely to have a stress induced heart attack. I have severe anxiety and complex PTSD, meaning I jump and react 100x more than the average person to stress (these numbers are from my doctors). I HAVE to protect myself. I had three major seizures last Friday night because of a disagreement with him over this very topic. When I reminded him in that conversation that it would harm his relationship more if I fell over dead of a stress induced heart attack because I didn’t put that boundary in place, he thanked me for reminding him that I have a serious neurological condition because it’s easy to forget. I walk around with a stress noose around my neck every day and it’s easy to forget?! Today when I told him about the seizures, after he pushed me to talk to her, I was told that I was making a big deal out of nothing.

    Nothing. My health is nothing to him.

    This is where my topic title comes in. Why doesn’t he care?! I’m a former step-mom to a kiddo who turns 16 this fall. I’d sacrifice myself for my kid in an instant (and almost did one 4th of July when his dad messed with fireworks). His mom granted me mom status after I left his dad because I “did more than his dad ever did for him”. How do I understand what a parent should be when mine doesn’t care in the slightest? I’m not saying he can’t have a relationship, I want him to be happy. I didn’t even say he couldn’t have this relationship, I only asked that my boundaries be respected. Why doesn’t he care?
    #FunctionalNeurologicalDisorder #CPTSD #AbuseSurvivors #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #frustration

    Community Voices

    I am so sad over my health and relationship

    <p>I am so sad over my health and <a href="" class="tm-embed-link  tm-autolink health-map" data-id="5b23ceb100553f33fe99b6a2" data-name="relationship" title="relationship" target="_blank">relationship</a></p>
    1 person is talking about this
    Community Voices

    I just saw my dad for the first time in close to five months and guess what he said? Those meds you’re taking are making me fat and I’ll get obese. I’m 181cm and weigh about 80kg so this should be normal weight. This came from the same man that complained a lot when I was severely underweight with questions about whether I was sick or not eating enough. I already hate my body as it is but to have him throw it in my face like that is a little too hard. I’m not surprised really we don’t have much of a relationship and he thinks my illnesses will just fade away. #BodyImage #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiety #ihatemybodynowmorethanever

    6 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    What is your common negative impact when going through #RacingThoughts ?

    <p>What is your common negative impact when going through <a class="tm-topic-link ugc-topic" title="RacingThoughts" href="/topic/racingthoughts/" data-id="5b7323be7524b700ae365898" data-name="RacingThoughts" aria-label="hashtag RacingThoughts">#RacingThoughts</a> ?</p>
    Megan Glosson

    Types of Therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder

    I have spent nearly 1,000 hours in therapy since I first received a borderline personality disorder (BPD) diagnosis nearly five years ago. Although it has by no means been a walk in the park every single week, I have reached a point in my life where I no longer meet the criteria for BPD and feel (mostly) satisfied with my day-to-day routines. Like many people who receive a borderline personality disorder diagnosis after a hospitalization, I was given the contact information for local dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) treatment facilities and therapists trained in this modality who may be able to help. What I didn’t realize at the time was that DBT isn’t the only option out there for people like me. In fact, there are a total of five different types of therapy that all have a proven success record with borderline patients. 1. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is an evidence-based therapeutic modality designed specifically for individuals with borderline personality disorder. Psychologist Marsha Linehan designed DBT in the 1980s. Linehan, who spent years researching clients with extreme emotion dysregulation and suicidal urges, felt like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) caused these clients to experience burnout, lack of motivation, and invalidation. So, she combined some of the aspects of CBT with the ideas of acceptance and mindfulness practice to create a modality that was more fitting for this clientele. Fully-adherent DBT includes weekly individual therapy sessions, weekly skills group education sessions, and phone coaching between sessions. A full course of DBT takes around six months to complete, and clients are encouraged to complete two cycles to master the skills for mindfulness, emotion regulation, distress tolerance, and interpersonal communication. 2. Mentalization-Based Therapy (MBT) Mentalization-based therapy is another evidence-based practice created specifically for people with borderline personality disorder. It’s highly beneficial for people who experienced early childhood trauma that caused abandonment issues or people with insecure attachments to one or both of their parents. The modality borrows some techniques from other common types of therapy, including cognitive-behavioral, psychodynamic, social-ecological and systemic therapies. However, the main focus of this specific modality is to enhance each person’s ability to differentiate between their own emotional state and the emotional state of those around them. This concept is called mentalization, and it is something that many people with BPD struggle with. By learning how to separate your own emotions from others, you can regulate your emotions more effectively and spend less time trapped in a dysregulated state. Like DBT, people who enroll in MBT with a therapist typically attend weekly individual sessions as well as weekly group sessions. Unlike DBT, though, members in groups often interact with each other to offer advice and learn from one another. 3. Transference-Focused Psychotherapy (TFP) Transference-focused psychotherapy (TFP) is a specific type of psychoanalytic treatment in which the focus is on the relationship between the therapist and the individual client. The idea is that by focusing on the interpersonal dynamics that occur between the therapist and the client, the therapist can gain insight that will help the client improve. According to therapists who use TFP, most people develop BPD because of dysfunctional relationships with parents and other caregivers during early childhood. For people who live with borderline personality disorder, TFP is used to uncover the underlying causes of a person’s borderline symptoms so they can build new, healthier thought processes and behaviors. 4. Systems Training for Emotional Predictability and Problem Solving (STEPPS) Systems Training for Emotional Predictability and Problem Solving (STEPPS) is a manual-based, 20-week group therapy program designed specifically for people with borderline personality disorder. Like dialectical behavior therapy, STEPPS combines cognitive behavioral elements and skills training in a group setting. The skills group programs meet once per week for two hours each session. The groups are typically led by a pair of therapists, and the groups are kept fairly small, with around six to 10 participants at a time. Within STEPPS, individuals learn how to identify automatic thoughts through schema work, monitor their symptoms, and how to problem solve situations in healthy manners. STEPPS also teaches the importance of self-care, and how to better manage overwhelming emotions. Although it has not gained as much recognition as other therapeutic modalities for people with BPD, it is still an evidence-based approach with studies that show its success. 5. Trauma Treatment Studies show that people with borderline personality disorder are 13 times more likely to have experienced early childhood trauma. Because of the strong links to trauma, many clinicians have started using trauma treatment with BPD clients to see if processing the trauma helps lower emotional intensity and other symptoms. In fact, some preliminary studies show trauma work as a viable option for people who have BPD and a trauma history. There are several notable types of trauma treatment that work well for people with borderline personality disorder who also have a history of trauma. Some trauma treatment methods that may work include eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy (EMDR), skills training in affective and interpersonal regulation (STAIR), and cognitive processing therapy (CPT). While each approach is a little different, they are all methods of processing trauma, which can help decrease symptoms over time. Like most other mental health conditions, treatment options for people with borderline personality disorder shouldn’t be a “one size fits all” approach. However, many people with BPD don’t realize just how many viable treatment options exist for them, and instead they give up when one recommended method doesn’t work. If you are looking for a path to recovery from borderline personality disorder, I hope this list gives you some options to pursue. Recovery from BPD is possible —  it’s just a matter of finding the treatment method and lifestyle that works for you.

    Community Voices

    Trouble trusting

    I overthink alot. My gf has moved school 2 years ago and theres another boy who likes her. He doesnt know that shes already in a relationship with me because my gf doesnt want the news of her dating to be spreaded around the school since her parents dont allow dating yet in her age. This boy in her school who likes her, now is already almost being very close friends with my gf which worries me since I heard when girls and boys get really close, at last they catch feelings and it scares me alot. Please help

    1 person is talking about this