I hear you. I'm also exhausted physically and mentally too.
I was responding to a post but my rant, of how angry, frustrated I am is too long. Even in this because of how much CPTSD and dealing with any individual with narcissistic personality style or any kund of manipulative personality style has impacted all aspects of my life.
I got lost in the rabbit hole of trying to find all my own resources. I get more accurate, helpful and useful information from peers than I have from mental health professionals in over 25yrs.
I posted a few days ago on here that they added Prolonged grief disorder to the DSM-5 last Mar.
If that is the direction mental health professionals (MHP) with PhDs. We might as well rely on each other to keep in site of what we do need and don't need.
It seems so many MHP are not even trained in trauma much less trauma informed. It did not ever enter my mind to ask that...it's so true about "assuming"
When I started to ask I found out so few have heard of CPTSD much now what it is. Even when calling warm/crisis lines only a small fraction even heard of it. Believe me as you mentioned since there's so little help/supports, so I was calling a lot. Actually that has been the only consistent support I for about 10 yrs
The cost is completely inaccessible when you don't don't have expendable income. In 🇨🇦 it costs from $130,$200/hr for a decent therapist and that's if you find a compatible one. You need a therapist for long term 1 on 1 work to work through the layers of the insidious implicit and explicit residue of a lifetime of trauma. May be if you're younger when you start therapy it may not take years but even then....
It's so hard not to not get what I need. Plus the fact both of my parents have narcissistic personality styles means I was gaslighted and in my case scapegoated. This impacted how I showed up in the world within every single one of my relationships and interactions. Unfortunate for me I did not learn and truly understand about C-PTSD and Narcissism until I was 50yrs old.
I'm currently 53 years old and only piecing all this after decades of being lost, confused and isolated for most of my life. I know many others have suffered too. May even have more horrific event trauma on top of early developmental trauma/neglect which is what CPTSD is.
I believe it's true that if CPTSD was fully understood someone told me it would make the DSM-5 the size of a pamphlet.
If the psychiatric governing bodies in Canada and the USA can continue to pathologize millions of people the pharmaceutical companies get away of harming people more then they actually help people.
The best recommended treatments and therapeuticmodalities are bottom up somatic healing which may or may not need long-term pharmaceutical medications.
This is why it's so hard to get the right kind of help for CPTSD we need long term therapies that do not require people to be on drugs that do more harm then good if you're on them for too long.
So I'm not only gaslighted by my family of origin, and the various ignorant people I unfortunately let close to me. I'm and millions of us are being gaslighted by mental health professionals and many governing bodies making the "rules" that cross so many of our personal bill of rights as human beings no matter how much or how little trauma we've suffered individually. Our traumas should not be categorized and compared by severity. Big "T" trauma (event trauma) and little "t" trauma (emotional trama/neglect) are both bad. This is how we are treated because if we fall more on the little "t" trauma more people are being treated like our trauma is not that big of a deal. The truth is that more people are suffering from little "t" trauma with non or minimal to warped screwed up help.
Without your own knowledge and awarenesses you might get the help you need. And we only get that by jumping though so many hoops that most give up way before getting a fraction of appropriate and useful help.
#HSP #neurodivergence #gaslight narcisstic abuse survivor #Survivor #consumersurvivor #hurting #survivingnotthriving