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16 Things We Wish People Would Find When They Googled Borderline Personality Disorder

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People who live with borderline personality disorder (BPD) face some of the harshest stigma on the internet. From articles about why you shouldn’t date someone with BPD to articles about people “recovering” from borderlines, it’s no wonder people with this condition don’t recommend googling their condition to their loved ones.

But this puts people with borderline personality disorder in a really bad spot. How can you ask a loved one to support you and learn more about your condition if so much of the information out there is harmful and based in stigma?

The reality is, people with BPD have real feelings and need the compassion and respect every person deserves. We know there is a real need for helpful content about BPD, so we asked members of our Mighty community who live with borderline personality disorder to share one thing they wish people would see about their condition on Google.

Here’s what they had to say:

1. “I want people to know that despite what they see online, I don’t enjoy making you guess what’s wrong with me, I don’t enjoy grabbing peoples’ attention and I don’t act out for attention. I’m terrified of losing my friends and boyfriend. I just want reassurance and I’m trying to learn a healthy way to express that.” — Allison R.

2.I wish people would see we are not the manipulative crazy bunny boilers everyone thinks we are. There are nine criteria for BPD, you have to meet five. Some people can meet all nine, some will not. This means there are many different combinations, that makes us all different people. Not everyone with BPD is the same. They should see we are just normal people struggling every day with a mental illness that is treatable if only we could all find mental health professionals that cared enough to look past the myths and stigma.” — Sophie S.

3. “Discussions about relationships with people with BPD. Articles talking about how you manage your symptoms while in a relationship, advice for partners that doesn’t demonize BPD and most importantly, success stories from people with BPD showing they can find love. I wish my girlfriend had seen more positive portrayals of relationships involving BPD so it would be easier for us to make things work now.” — Lula I.

4. I am a good mother and am not a guarantee to screw up the lives of my children. People with BPD can be parents, they need to just make sure they are actively and willingly seek treatment to be the best they can be.” — Bevin N.

5. “There are quiet borderlines, such as [myself], who are more of a danger to themselves than others, because we act inwardly. We are human too, and we deserve help just like anybody else.” — Michelle M.

6. “I wish people could understand we’re extremely empathetic and that one of the hardest parts of the disorder is that we feel everything to the extreme which extremely taxing for us. But it also makes us care to the extreme as well.” — Des W.

7. “[I wish others would see] that BPD can be based from trauma in the past, therefore it’s harder to trust, harder to process certain emotions. We’re not trying to attention seek or manipulate… Just trying to fit in with those us. It’s difficult for some of us to keep friendships and relationships because it’s harder for us to process or tell the differences in some emotional interactions.” — Tina B.

8. “When I react or act in an inappropriate manner, it is not me as a person. I have trouble with relationships more so because I would rather not be abandoned. I don’t just do the things I do or say the things I do because I want to…” — Brie U.

9. “Being angry or [having] ‘borderline rage’ isn’t the only feeling we experience. There is a wide range of emotions we have. Everything is more intense. Happiness becomes euphoria. Sadness becomes depression. And it’s hard to ride out the emotions.” — Joselyne S.

10. “I didn’t choose to be this way and I’m aware my actions can hurt others. I am trying my hardest to be healthy, but it doesn’t happen overnight. Just because my disorder can be ugly doesn’t mean I don’t deserve help.” — Kierstyn F.

11. “There’s a misunderstanding that we need ‘tough love’ when really that’s one of the worst ways you can treat a person with BPD. Compassion and support go a lot further.” — Gina G.

12. “BPD doesn’t just affect women. Men can have borderline personality disorder too.” — Abi T.

13. “We are not the manipulative lying murderers the internet and TV makes us out to be.” — Alexis D.

14. “I wish it was publicized more that borderlines often love with their whole heart, are very loyal and are compassionate to people around them because they are very sensitive to others’ emotions.” — Lisa M.

15. Despite the massive stigma surrounding it, we’re not manipulative or cruel…
Some of the things we do are because we’re scared, not abusive or manipulative — such as begging someone to stay, self-harming or attempting suicide. We’re not bad people. We’re just afraid.” — Abby A.

16. “I am not just my illness. I may feel anger and hurt more than others, but I also feel love, dedication and compassion more fully. I am a mother who loves my children with every part of me. I am a spouse who, yes, can be hard to be with, but also can be extremely sensitive to your needs and feelings. Everyone has their downfalls, everyone struggles. But I am more than what I have. And I strive to be better and work on myself every day.” — Miranda B.

What would you add?

Originally published: September 9, 2017
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