There are individual āquirksā and traits that make you, you. There are also the things you do because of borderline personality disorder (BPD).Ā While personality traits and personality disorder behaviors can blend together sometimes, to an outsider itās not always clear which of these āhabitsā are driven by BPD and which arenāt.
Whether a habitĀ makes you seem āmanipulativeā (asking for constant reassurance, giving ultimatums) or ādramaticā (having intense emotional responses, struggling with your identity) ā it can be hard when others judge you based on these actions without knowing whatās going on inside your head.
To find out some habits of people who have borderline personality disorder, we asked our Mighty BPD communityĀ to share one thing people might not realize theyāre doing because of BPD.
Hereās what they shared with us:
- āI wake up every day and wonder if my friends have all decided they are done with me. Itās like living in the movie ā50 First Dates.ā Until I get a text or hear from each of them, I think theyāre all gone. Sometimes Iāve even mentally started to move on and accept they arenāt coming back by 10 a.m. Every. Single. Day. Abandonment fears at its finest.ā ā Julie J.
- āObsessing about whether you are a totally good person or an incredibly horrible one without finding a balance.ā ā Jojo V.
- āMy main reaction to nearly everything is anger. Itās almost a self-defense mechanism. And the thing could be so harmless, but Iām so used to having everything shatter in front of me, I prepare myself for the āin case it happens.āā ā Jazzie M.
- āAlways asking my husband if heās OK, and if I did something wrong, and if heās mad at me, and if he still loves me or is still attracted to me.ā ā Lulu B.
- āI have a habit of having no motivation to try to achieve things. There are things Iām super passionate about and things I want to do, but I inevitably end up doing none of them and then feeling guilty about it which enhances the problem. Vicious cycle that is so hard to get out of.ā ā Peter W.
- āPushing people away the second they do something that hurts me. Because of the intensified emotions, everything stings extra hard and I instantly believe they only want to hurt me so I try to push them away before they get another chance.ā ā Nina F.
- āFeeling constantly guilty over every decision I made, every word spoken, just always being guilty and apologetic.ā ā Lauren D.
- āQuestioning everything I do because I have a hard time making decisions or trusting myself. Even the simplest thing like making a salad. I wonder if the salad I made is good enoughā¦ā ā Alea D.
- āConstant obsessing over all the wrong I have done and then trying to clean and organize anything I can just to feel as if I can get rid of all my negative thoughts.ā ā Jenny L.
- āI ask permission for everything. Iāve been with my partner for three years now, and still Iām always running to him for permission. āIs it OK to change the radio station? Can we change the heat? Do you mind if I turn the volume down? Is it OK if I paint my nails?Ā My ābetter to be safe than sorryā mentality runs my life.ā ā Nat C.
- āIsolate myself when I have problems. In my younger years, I dealt with a lot of trauma on my own. I used to bombard people with my pain later on for years but now I keep people away from it as best as I can which sometimes makes it worse [during] times I need support. I still struggle to maintain friendships and initiate socially (lack of mindfulness for the most part day-to-day).ā ā Kirsty M.
- āObsessing. I replay words and sentences over and over in my head. To ensure I havenāt missed any hidden meaning or subtle hints from that person. It stems from my childhood of constant fear I was ābadā and needed to constantly be whatever everyone needed in order to be worthy of life.āĀ ā Kirsty D.
- āSpiraling the instant I perceive even the slightest change in someoneās tone, body language or facial expressions. āThey seem annoyed, they hate me, theyāre going to leave.ā Itās so painful and even though Iām aware of it, itās hard to think rationally and correct the thought process.ā ā Meghan G.
- āPerforming. I get stuck in a loop thatās based on the fear that if Iām not producing or performing, I lose my usefulness and will be discarded. Itās resulted in some beautiful moments and lessons, but it is beyond exhausting to constantly feel my worth is attached to my usefulness.ā ā Kara D.
- āThe constant switch from everything is sunshine to everything is terrible through the day. One thing going wrong is enough to go from Iām a good person to Iām the worst mom who ever lived.ā ā Kayla F.
- āNot being able to take criticism as I try to be tenacious in every aspect of my life, but when I face criticism, I subconsciously over-think, and see the relationship between that person and I as a form of abandonment, etc.ā ā Liam M.
- āMy sense of identity is constantly in flux. I never know who Iām going to wake up as tomorrow.ā ā Kat R.
Can you relate?
Unsplash photo via Steve Halama