3 Hurdles to BPD Recovery and How to Overcome Them

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is not friendly to those living with it. It’s known for unstable relationships, causing extreme emotions, impulsive (often self-destructive) behaviors, feelings of emptiness and a lot of unhappiness.

Borderline personality disorder is treatable, but if you’re one of over 4 million people in the U.S. with BPD, you might be wondering why therapy hasn’t yet helped you overcome BPD symptoms. As a therapist at a BPD treatment center, I’ve worked with many young adults struggling with BPD. In my experience, the top three hurdles a young adult has when working to overcoming BPD are:

1. Being unable to commit to therapy.

2. Being unable to get uncomfortable.

3. Being unable to revisit dialectical behavior therapy (DBT).

Let’s break these hurdles down into what they really mean, and how you can take the leap over each one. When you reach the finish line, you’ll find you have more stable relationships and emotions. As overwhelming as this journey can seem, I’ve seen people change and overcome BPD symptoms.

1. Being unable to commit to therapy.

Not being committed to therapy could mean a number of different things. It applies to individual therapy, group therapy, DBT sessions and treatment in general. Some examples of how this looks include:

Canceling or skipping therapy appointments.

Disregarding rules and guidelines set for you.

Distracting during therapy sessions from what you really need to talk about.

Not applying feedback or skills from sessions into life outside of therapy.

Being inconsistent in your desire to recover.

We all sabotage ourselves, and our recovery, in our own unique ways. Take a moment to consider what gets in your way of being completely committed to therapy. Is it fear, mistrust, doubt, avoidance or something else? What is it for you, and can you solve any of the problems holding you back? If you’re unable to commit to therapy right now, it’s worth bringing up what’s holding you back in your next therapy session, or with a trusted friend or family member.

2. Being unable to get uncomfortable.

If there is one universal truth we know, it’s this: true recovery from borderline personality disorder is never easy. It requires deep dives into your past, your emotions, your relationships and your way of being. It’s going to get uncomfortable at times. As the DBT adage says, the only way out of hell is through it.

Remind yourself it’s OK to feel uncomfortable, even extremely uncomfortable. That’s how you know you’re doing the work you need to do. Uncomfortable feelings won’t last forever, and with enough practice, those feelings will become much more tolerable. Imagine: how much more will you be able to do in life when you’re no longer afraid to feel uncomfortable?

3. Being unable to revisit DBT.

If you’ve been in any type of treatment for borderline personality disorder, you’ve probably learned the DBT skills, and it can be tough to want to visit them again. But there is always room to deepen your knowledge of the DBT skills and apply them in new ways. You can find skills that apply to your current situation in a way you wouldn’t have thought about previously.

You can deepen your knowledge by:

Finding an advanced or specialized DBT workbook.

Teach DBT skills to friends and family members.

Find a specialized DBT skills group.

You might not find that every DBT skill is helpful to you, but DBT skills are proven to help borderline symptoms, and we’re confident that if you’re open to revisiting DBT, it will make a positive change in your life. DBT helps symptoms be more manageable while doing your long-term work.

In addition to the tips above that are specific to the three hurdles, I’ve found three other tips that are often helpful on the journey to overcome BPD.

1. Include family work in your treatment.

Family work is beneficial for several reasons:

Your family is in a position to provide long-term support in your BPD recovery and sustain the positive changes you make in treatment.

Family therapy can teach family members how to best support you and build better relationships.

The family can work together to resolve traumas, whether real or perceived.

Families can learn how to have appropriate relationships and boundaries.

2. Work with multiple professionals.

It’s rare to see borderline personality disorder in an individual who isn’t struggling with other mental health challenges. Do what you can to effectively treat the challenges you’re facing. In addition to your BPD/DBT therapist, you might also see a dietitian for an eating disorder, a psychiatrist for medication management, or use biofeedback for severe anxiety.

3. Encourage family members to seek their own therapy.

As family members learn to best support you in your struggle with BPD, they may find it helpful to seek their own support. There are even groups and workshops for family members of people living with BPD.

Many people with BPD have effectively treated their symptoms and are living a happy life that once seemed far away. You can do the same. If you’re struggling with BPD, seek and accept all the help that’s available to you. Have the courage to jump over the hurdles that block your path, and see what a life free from BPD symptoms can offer you.