The Mighty Logo

How to Love Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

The most helpful emails in health
Browse our free newsletters

The way to love anyone is to love them truly and with your whole heart. In order to truly love someone, you have to accept them for who they are. You have to accept their shortcomings, their successes, their bad habits and their humor.

When loving someone with borderline personality disorder (BPD), acceptance is one of the most important things about that love. 

Accepting a person and their BPD diagnosis can sometimes be a difficult tast. I’ve found these people have to possess three qualities: patience, compassion and perseverance. Having these qualities won’t make loving someone with BPD a flawless experience, but it will make it possible, and easier than it would be if those qualities weren’t in hand. 

Send this person support. person asking for support in trying to understand her borderline personality disorder

My BPD causes a variety of symptoms that not only affect my life, but the lives of those I love. Some of these symptoms, like mood swings, irritability and hypersexuality, can be difficult for our loved ones, which is where having patience comes in.

Having patience with someone who has BPD can be challenging. It’s hard to have patience when the same symptoms continue to surface over and over. But in my experience, in order to effectively and truly love someone with BPD, patience is required. Having patience means having the ability to accept someone’s symptoms without becoming angry or upset. Anger can fuel certain symptoms of BPD, while patience puts the fire out.

My symptoms sometimes cause me to treat myself and others poorly, which is why it’s important for those who love me to have compassionate hearts. 

Compassion means having sympathy and empathy for the suffering of others. In the case of loving someone with BPD, having compassion means showing and experiencing genuine concern and empathy for how their illness makes them feel. Being compassionate when loving someone with BPD will mean so much to that person, because compassion is not easy to find when you have an illness that affects how you treat other people. When loving someone with BPD, compassion is key. It’s important because it assures your loved one you are trying to understand the complications of their illness. 

Loving someone means that you commit to every party of them. Loving someone with BPD means you are committed to loving them despite their illness and their symptoms, and that commitment takes perseverance. 

I don’t give up on the people I love. Whatever battle I’m thrown in, we fight it together. When loving someone with BPD, the battle is fought together against our symptoms. Persevering through the tough parts is necessary in order to arrive at the end of it. Perseverance will have to happen daily, because the battle against BPD happens all day, every day. It will get tough when the person with BPD is depressed or irritable, but there is no giving up on them. Love them, persevere with them and win the battle together every day. 

Loving someone with BPD is so worth it. We experience strong emotions, and love fiercely. What we need in return is genuine love, patience, compassion and perseverance. We need and deserve love just like anyone else.

 How to Love Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Originally published: August 5, 2016
Want more of The Mighty?
You can find even more stories on our Home page. There, you’ll also find thoughts and questions by our community.
Take Me Home