The People With Borderline Personality Disorder Who Struggle Quietly

Most of us know that borderline personality disorder (BPD) is heavily attached to damaging stereotypes and stigma. One of these misconceptions is that all people with BPD are automatically violent, manipulative and suicidal. Of course, that is not always the case.

In fact, some people with borderline struggle so quietly and internally, that on the outside, they appear to be “normal” or “faking it.” Believe me when I say, nothing is more frustrating than feeling everything so intensely all the time, just to feel as if your suffering is invalid because it’s not visible to others at all times, or even at all.

I’m that person. I’m what some would consider a “quiet” or “high-functioning” borderline. I somehow manage to mask my symptoms in attempts to function within society.

I may appear to blend in and not act on my emotions when others are around; but it doesn’t make my intense emotions, irrational thoughts and the urge to behave accordingly non-existent. If I’m pretending to be anything, it’s “normal”.

It’s clinching your fists and squeezing your eyelids together tightly to not let the tears escape over the smallest things. It’s excusing yourself with a bogus reason so you can go to an isolated area and muffle your cries for a few minutes. It’s feeling your voice shaking and cracking as you attempt to carry a conversation without letting them see you upset. It’s the heavy pressure in your chest, your throat and your stomach all at once. It’s that boiling feeling in your veins as you try to calm the volcano ready to erupt inside of you.

I could go on and on, but it’s all of these things and much more that we’ve taught ourselves to do to defend ourselves from appearing vulnerable. We wish we didn’t get so emotional over the tiniest things. We wish our tears didn’t flood to the surface so quickly before we can stop them, especially when we’re not even sad. We wish we didn’t feel like children just because we cry so easily. We wish we didn’t have to be admitted to a psych ward for our diagnosis and needs to be taken seriously.

Borderline personality disorder is such a complex and broad-spectrum disorder. With nine different criteria and only five required for a diagnosis, there are approximately 256 different ways this disorder can manifest itself within a person. No case is the same.

It’s essential that we validate the feelings and struggles of each and every case, whether it be severe, moderate or minor. We all are in need of support and understanding.

Follow this journey on The Psy-Bi Mama.