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What It's Like to Love Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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I’ve been told people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) can’t love, and I want to start this off by saying that’s a lie.

We can love.

We can love in so many different and unique ways. But… and there is a but. BPD and love for me is kind of like looking in to a mirror — weird metaphor I know. But what I mean by it is, when you look in the mirror you see yourself, but not properly. You see a reverse image of yourself and not one that is fully accurate.

And for me, that’s like BPD and being in love. You can love, but differently. And sometimes you’re not in love but are actually in love with the idea of being in love.

People with BPD can have a false sense of security in a relationship. They feel safer, calmer and obviously loved. They do anything and everything to please their parter, to keep their partner and to make them happy.

Yes, sometimes this does involve lies, manipulation and bad moves. But it also involves many positive things like listening more, caring more and putting more effort in.

People with BPD tend to latch onto someone who shows them affection and can’t really let them go. So let’s say if they’re single and someone is giving them a lot of attention then stops and another person starts giving them attention, they will tend to jump straight to the person who provides them attention.

If anyone has seen a show called “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend,” you will get what I mean. And if you haven’t, and you want to get what I mean, I advise you watch it. It’s a great show and is quite true to people with BPD.

What I’m really saying is, even when it’s hard to know if someone with borderline is actually in love with you or the idea of you, please, be there to help us. Although it can be super hard and we may test you and make you angry, we are scared you’re going to leave. We don’t mean to be like this.

And if someone with borderline does love you, and you can both put this illness to one side and make a relationship work. I know it will be something truly beautiful.

Because to be in love with someone with BPD is being in love with someone who is down for you 100 percent. Who cares for you more than life itself. Who loves you with such passion that you can see it in their eyes.


That is something truly special, and I’m not sure you’ll get it elsewhere.

Thank you for reading.

Unsplash photo via

Originally published: March 20, 2018
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