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To the Son My Doctors Said I’d Never Have, From ‘Your Disabled Mom'

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My Dear Son,

You aren’t born yet, but you will be here any day now. Your dad and I are thrilled at the prospect of your arrival because, honestly, it still seems surreal. When I was a young girl, the doctors told me I would never have kids because of my cerebral palsy.

By the time you are born, I will be three months shy of my 40th birthday, and I can’t think of a better gift. 

You weren’t “supposed” to be here, but here you are and there are a few things I would like you to know.

Being born premature in 1976 and weighing under a pound, the doctors told your grandmother that your uncle and I wouldn’t survive, but we did.

I know it sounds strange to be proud of the fact that you already weigh more than I did at birth, but I am.

I won’t be able to carry you like the other moms, but I will hold you as close as ever.

I won’t be able to take you on long walks in your stroller, but I will tell you wonderful stories, sing silly songs and tell you how much I love you.

I won’t be able to keep up with you once you learn to walk, but I will be there to catch you when you fall.

I won’t be able to hold you on my hip while grocery shopping, cooking, chatting with a friend or the million other things moms do, but I will always give you my undivided attention.

I won’t be able to play tag or hide-and-seek with you, but I will take you on treasure hunts, build blanket forts and maybe we’ll even have dessert for dinner!

I may not be able to explain why people stare at us sometimes, but I will tell you it’s because you are so special.

I won’t always be there to protect you from the mean things people might say, but I will give you the knowledge and strength to teach them another way.

I may not always know why people may ask you why your mom walks “funny,” but I will always encourage you to be true to yourself and unafraid of who you are.

I hope I won’t always be seen as your “disabled mom,” but I do hope that someday you will understand why I take so much pride in that label.

I won’t always be able to do things the other moms do, my precious son, but I will always do my best for you.



Sara Reiner.2-001

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Originally published: October 29, 2015
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