4 Tips for Dating With an Invisible Disability

There are no rules for when to tell someone you have an invisible physical disability. Let’s pretend for a second that you are randomly asked to write a description of yourself using 15 words or less. Do you mention your invisible disability? If not, then like me, it is not your lead and not something you need to tell someone about before or during a first or second date.

2. Be proactive, not reactive.

You have been texting and emailing with someone with potential, and he suggests meeting in person for a date. When you have physical challenges, the small details can negatively affect your comfort level and experience, like having to keep your balance while standing in a crowded, overbooked restaurant, or going to his favorite sushi restaurant and needing a fork because you can’t use chopsticks.

You can avoid the unexpected (mostly) by having a few favorite “go to” places to suggest. In my experience, most men are happy not to have to do the planning and will meet you wherever you want.

3. Keep it simple and sweet.

When couples who are newly dating see a potential future with one another, their conversations naturally become deeper and more intimate. I only told two of the men I dated details about my neuromuscular disorder. I didn’t see the point of going into it when I wasn’t certain he or I even wanted to see each other again.

Try not to stress about the right time to tell him you have a physical disability. It will most likely come up as part of natural conversation. Like, “Do you mind tearing my sugar packet? …I have trouble with my hands.” Try keeping the explanation to a minimum and using humor. Dating isn’t necessarily the best time for a lesson in genetics or the epidemiology of your disorder.

4. Don’t assume and never settle.

Dating is often a leap of faith. In order to eventually meet someone great, you have to jump (or walk slowly) in the game. None of us come with warning labels or a set of instructions. Some people will like you and some people won’t, regardless of your disability. Try not to be self-critical or make assumptions.

Confidence is the sexiest thing you can wear, so work it. Don’t settle for anyone who doesn’t make you feel like the beautiful woman you are.