Emojis of My Mental Health in a Day With Multiple Sclerosis

I see a therapist. I had mental health issues long before chronic physical illness came along and added spice to my life. This therapist says I use my gift with words to cover up how I’m really feeling when I’m at my lowest, mentally.

My mind was blown, and I was angry. I had only considered my writing as a positive coping tool. I thought about what he said for a week. Next therapy appointment I was still angry.

Then, that same night, I sat down to blog about how I felt about the whole matter and instead wrote a post for a celebrity website so fluffy it almost flew away.

Surprise, surprise. Mr. Therapist was right. I thought about it, a little less angrily, and realized that I’d write about my physical health issues because I’m used to doing that, and because despite the problems I have with them, and the mental/physical health connection my multiple sclerosis has, it feels like my physical health problems are more understood. Or I’d sit and write about celebrities or something completely non-health related just to escape.

So, yeah, sometimes my writing is a powerful tool, and sometimes it’s another mountain I hide behind to escape reality. I need to deal with my mental health, too, but I keep pushing it off to the side.

My therapist gave me some homework at my next appointment. He wanted me to draw how I felt in emoticons for an entire day. No words. Just emoticons. Um, I don’t know if I can do that. But I did it. Here’s that story. By the way, the irony is not lost on me that I’m blogging about all this — with words. Say what you will about that.

My day in emoticons:

6 a.m.: Get up feeling like the walking dead.