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17 Ridiculous Things I've Said Due to 'Brain Fog'

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For as long as I’ve been living the spoonie life (16 years), I’ve had these weird little bouts of fogginess. The combination of chronic pain, fatigue and lack of sleep take a huge toll on the brain, and sometimes it’s really difficult to say words, let alone form sentences.

When it comes to brain fog, I’m particularly bad at remembering words and/or using the correct word. This used to annoy me so much when I was at University as I studied English at Masters level. I sometimes simply couldn’t muster up the most obvious word and would end up really frustrated and paranoid about what my classmates thought. It still infuriates me to this day, but luckily if my boyfriend (BF) is around, he can finish my sentences for me. Unless I attempt to battle through the fog and make up a word, then he just laughs.

I also suffer with short-term memory loss, poor concentration and general haziness. It’s not the best; it makes me really angry, but it can also be pretty hilarious.

I’ve been compiling a list of the ridiculous things (when I remember to write them down) I’ve said due to brain fog, and I thought I’d share them so we can all have a little giggle.

1. “Shut the window doors.”

I wanted the curtains closed. The curtains will forever be the “window doors” to us.

2. “Where’s the iPad?”

I was using it. I do this a lot, with everything.

3. Me: “Can you pass me that thing. That big iPad.” BF: “You mean the laptop?”

4. “I like diamonds, not those scuba sercomia.”

I meant cubic zirconia.

5. “There’s a gap in the wordos.”

The curtains weren’t closed properly.

6. Me: “I’ve got them sneezing meds in my bag.” Friend: “Antihistamines.”

7. Me: “A lot narrower than his fed, fred, forehead.”

8. Me: “Could you pass me the hook, please? The telly hook.” BF: “The HMDI cable.” Me: “Same thing.”

9. Me: “I’m taking one of these. I have to let it melt on my face.” BF: “You mean ‘on your tongue.’” Me: “My tongue is on my face.” BF: “In it, but OK.”

10. “His hair is skwed” — hysterical laughter — “I meant his head is square.”

11. Me: “Why didn’t you have a beer in the hospital?” BF: “You mean the restaurant?”

12. Me: “I’m just lulling you into a false salsa security.”

13. “Little gem lep-see.”

I meant “little gem lettuce leaves.”

14. Me: “You can’t reheat chucking chocolate.” BF: “‘Cooking’ chocolate.”

15. “He’s put it in a tub of cot water.”

Hot water, I should have said “hot water.” Oops.

16. “I’ll only eat ice cream with a fork. I mean a knife. Oh for f*ck’s sake, the other one.”

The amount I talk about spoons, and I couldn’t find the bloody word.

17. Me: “I can’t help it if my face doesn’t speak properly.” BF: *Looks at me.* Me: “My mouth then.”

I hope you had a little chuckle at some of my brain fog moments. I’m sure there’ll be more to come.

Follow this journey at Sarah in Wonderland.

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Originally published: January 28, 2016
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