I Have Chronic Pain. This Is What I Need From You.

Yes, I know I am too young to be in this much pain. Yes, I have considered my options. Yes, I have even considered the injections. I am not a broken toy; I cannot be stitched back together.

I do not mean to cancel plans, or decline things I know will hurt. My intent is to lessen my pain, not cause you more.

I have seen multiple doctors, some of which have gotten my diagnosis wrong. I do not wish to go back to them. I love my doctors – they know my file back and forth, what helps me and what doesn’t. They may not have a magical cure, but they don’t tell me to just wait it out or suggest treatments I have already tried. I do not need a second opinion.

 

Yes, I would love to be pain-free, to be able to go on runs and hikes, walks by ponds and amusement parks. Some days, I will. Some days, I can. Other days, my body will feel heavy, and every step will fill my legs with fire and put needles in my toes. This does not mean I’m faking.

Some days I feel like I could run a marathon. Some days getting up to get water is painful. On these days, I do not need a list of possible treatments and an endless amount of sighs and head shakes. I need understanding, and I need time. I need time to heal from my pain and my stress.

I need ice packs and heating pads and a reassuring hand on my shoulder to tell me it will be OK, that this will pass.

I do not wish to be in pain, but I have accepted it. Acceptance and desire are different things.

These are the things I need.

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Thinkstock photo via katyau.