***I apologize, this is long, I am very anxious and upset and needed to write it all down so I can try to sleep. Thank you. <3*** 1="" 2="" since="" i="" have="" been="" unemployed="" (thanks="" pandemic="" changing="" my="" work="" culture="" with="" insanity)="" i’ve="" mainly="" at="" home="" trying="" to="" apply="" for="" work,="" take="" care="" of="" myself,="" helping="" out="" the="" family,="" and="" stay="" as="" balanced="" possible.="" don’t="" very="" much="" money="" anymore,="" had="" change="" health="" insurance="" least="" help="" majority="" medicine.="" about="" two="" some="" years="" ago="" gained="" a="" lot="" weight="" on="" an="" extremely="" fast="" amount="" time.="" besides="" body="" dysmorphia="" how="" expect="" myself="" look,="" was="" shattered.="" all="" this="" gain="" it’s="" fault.="" that="" time="" invested="" in="" job="" so="" barely="" drank,="" i’m="" always="" feet,="" active="" someway,="" maybe="" not="" perfect="" meals="" but="" never="" eating="" way="" reflect="" gain.="" other="" medicines="" were="" fine.="" wasn’t="" couldn’t="" climb="" one="" set="" stairs="" without="" feeling="" like="" heart="" pounding="" hard.="" ashamed="" start="" didn’t="" me="" get="" active.="" made="" appointment="" endocrinologist,="" no="" expectations="" only="" really="" used="" psychiatrists.="" he="" friendly.="" we="" discussed="" what="" happening="" knew="" exactly="" up.="" told="" me,="" after="" blood="" results,="" insulin="" resistance.="" prescribing="" medication="" will="" correct="" disorder,="" allowing="" lose="" weight.="" skeptical="" thought="" meant="" that’d="" ten="" pounds="" would="" be="" it.="" prescribed="" vitamin,="" thyroid="" medicine,="" medicine="" is="" supposed="" resistance="" diabetes,="" which="" am="" not,="" those="" fancy="" injections="" tv.="" bothered="" by="" more="" medication,="" know="" observe="" side="" effects.="" well,="" within="" year="" it="" dropped="" see="" it,="" others="" mentioned="" difference.="" went="" from="" 181lbs="" 136lbs="" (year="" ago).="" 5’3,="" frame="" effects="" many="" ways.="" proud="" myself.="" being="" healthy="" treatments,="" good="" choices,="" exercising,="" course="" favorite,="" water.="" felt="" good,="" isn’t="" emotion="" relating="" use="" often,="" got="" new="" clothes,="" put="" bigger="" ones="" garage="" (i="" afraid="" i’d="" big="" again).="" re-did="" hair,="" makeup,="" back="" concerts="" events="" own.="" then,="" 23,="" kicked="" in.="" temporary="" until="" actually="" hired.="" covers="" psychiatrist="" then="" specialists="" doesn’t.="" gotten="" lucky="" medications="" covered.="" part="" bothers="" making="" sick="" levels="" doesn’t="" cover="" led="" progression="" losing="" just="" needed="" prior="" authorization="" because="" diabetic.="" authorizations="" antipsychotics="" conversation="" jumps="" doctor,="" company,="" pharmacy="" great.="" switch,="" has="" nightmare.="" asked="" doctor="" send="" form="" original="" company.="" response="" weeks.="" worked="" hard="" keep="" sort="" mood="" swing="" unravel="" everything.="" examining="" every="" second="" check="" changes.="" denied="" panicked.="" doctors="" office="" do,="" they="" sent="" papers="" weeks="" later="" company="" do="" next,="" thinking="" can="" try="" next.="" ask="" substitutes="" are="" wtf,="" or="" done.="" also="" these="" won’t="" covered="" purpose="" even="" if="" them.="" read="" going="" off="" them="" regain="" lost="" that’s="" internet.="" now="" call="" tomorrow="" anxiety="" this.="" grateful="" dad="" me.="" want="" regress="" healthy,="" along="" confidence.="" starting,="" poking,="" prodding="" body.="" step="" scale="" yet,="" ready="" meltdown="" parents="" deserve="" that.="" rational="" pms="" soon="" should="" bloated,="" drink="" water="" riding="" stationary="" bike="" doing="" little="" floor="" exercises="" (also="" prepare="" long="" term="" goal="" running="" 10k="" alone="" ).="" hope="" thing="" positive="" happen="" call.="" can’t="" denying="" everything,="" could="" helped.="" #BipolarDisorder #ADHD #insulin resistance #DoctorHealthInsuranceMedicationWars #ConfidenceIsInsideAndOut