I was diagnosed as terminally ill with Cachexia due to Multiple Sclerosis 6 months ago. I’ve been going through a lot of turmoil inside since then and this poem helped me express it. I hope it helps someone else in a dire situation too. ❤️

I’m paralyzed
Guess I never really realized
What I could hide behind bright eyes
All the pain I could disguise
I’m paralyzed
I no longer feel things that I try
To feel- this paralyzation is all too real
I’m paralyzed with fear
I feel panic with every tear
That I drop down
Forcing smiles where there’s frowns
I’m paralyzed with anger now
And I questions how
I keep my sanity
With all the madness that resides inside of me
I’m paralyzed with fear
And until you’ve been handed a death sentence dear
Don’t try to act like you know
A painful knowledge you’ll never know
The knowledge that your time’s nearly up
Fearing in this life you may have been to corrupt
To end up in a good place once you pass
So you pray this life always lasts
I’m paralyzed with sadness
Just trying to cope with the madness
That is in my brain
Would drive you insane
But I’m paralyzed
Never knew I could so despise
A prognosis so grim
It seems worse than great sin
I’m paralyzed with fear
And until you are near
Death’s door
You won’t understand this anymore
Just know that I’m paralyzed.

15th September 2019
6:55pm