What My Future Fiancé Should Know About My Anxiety and Depression
Dear Fiancé,
We’ve been engaged for six months and as our wedding approaches, I think you should know something about me I’ve kept a secret.
The past two years have been magical and I have fallen deeply in love with you. I know you love me and I love you too. You are respectful, loving, caring and comforting, and I am so blessed to have you in my life. And now that we are moving forward in our lives, I can no longer hide this from you. You have asked me questions about why I do certain things such as shutdown completely when I get overwhelmed or anxious, and have a difficult time turning my mind off. You have questions about my nightly ritual of drinking chamomile tea, completing my breathing exercise and listening to sounds of water. I brushed it off and told you that it helps to relax me and while that is true, there is more to my story.
You have also asked me why I have a hard time getting out of bed some days. Or about those nights we spend on the couch cuddling and I am weak, can’t eat or eat too much, don’t sleep or sleep too much. Those days you call out of work because you don’t want to leave me alone. I beg you to go but you lay in the bed with me, and make sure I do simply things such as eat and shower. I tell you I’m sick, but there’s more to that story as well.
The truth is I have generalized anxiety and major depressive disorders, simply put anxiety and depression, and some days it gets the best of me. I have been in therapy for three years working on myself and while I have gotten better, I have my tough days; just like anyone else. I was afraid to tell you because I thought you would leave me. But, during those really to dark days, you have proven yourself to me. In the past I have struggled with suicidal thoughts and they have come back in the past month, but since I started taking my medicine again, it is controlled. Please don’t treat me any differently; continue with your love and support, and we will be just fine.
Here are a few tips to help you to help me:
1. Take care of yourself first. It is important for you to take care of yourself because being with someone who has anxiety and depression can be draining if you let it consume you.
2. Continue to communicate. Be honest with me and let me know how it affects you.
3. Set boundaries. Boundaries will help you and me maintain our healthy relationship.
4. Don’t stop living your life. I know you want to help, but I don’t want you put your life on hold because I am having a tough time. There maybe days I want you to stay in with me but this should not become a habit. Although you have gone above and beyond to make sure I am safe and feel loved, and you have always reassured me you are here to stay, my anxiety leads me to believe otherwise. As I continue to work on myself, please know I appreciate you and all that you do, but it’s important to me that you care for yourself as well.
Love Always,
Your Soon-To-Be Wife
I live by Toni Payne's words: "I’d rather be living my truth happily than living a lie miserably." Drawing from my journey of recovery, I am a passionate social entrepreneur and mental health advocate dedicated to dismantling the stigma surrounding mental health and suicide in the Black community. As co-founder and executive director of Black People Die By Suicide Too (BPDBST), I lead efforts to reduce suicide rates and increase mental health awareness among Black individuals. I’m also the founder of the Mental Health Empowerment Agency, specializing in mental health education and program management for mental health initiatives. I am a proud bison (HU! You Know!). My favorite color is orange and leopard print (yes, leopard print is a color to me). I enjoy traveling, spending time with loved ones, walking, listening to podcasts, and laughing. In 2025, I plan to pursue my PhD to deepen my research on Black suicide prevention. As a suicide attempt survivor and a certified peer recovery specialist, I am committed to creating safe spaces for healing, empowerment, and resilience.
t_keablackman