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Depression Is a Monster, but I Will Conquer and Rise

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Depression: you take and you take and you take until I am left with nothing. You steal my sense of security over and over and over again until I collapse into my bed for the third day in a row, gasping for air as hot tears stream down raw cheeks. You leave me chained to my bed the next morning, paralyzed with guilt because I let you win once again.

Depression: you are a monster. You hide under my bed and wait for me to come home to my loneliness, then you steal any sense of happiness. You rob me of my hope. You make me take my dreams and hide them on a shelf behind the pictures of a broken family and candles whose flames remind me of the burning passion you stole from me. Maybe I’m unlovable. You tell me I’m unlovable. Maybe I’m just too broken to hold. No one can hold me because you shattered me. I slip right through their fingers.

But here’s the thing: one day I will set fire to this bed. One day I will break the chains that once held me captive. One day I will watch you burn. Burn like the dreams you stole from me. Burn like my innocence. One day I will reclaim my hope. I’ll build a new bed from your ashes — a bed I can sink into. A bed I can feel warm in. A bed I can sleep soundly in knowing no one can hurt me. A bed in a home. Home. I never thought I’d use a word like home.

Depression: because of you, I will overcome. You taught me darkness, but now I know the importance of light. You chained me down, but now I know how to fight. You taught me the importance of a sunset, but reminded me of the beauty of sunrise. Last night’s sunset ended in utter darkness, but this morning I rise. I rise and I rise and I rise, getting brighter each time. You will not stop me, I will conquer you.

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Thinkstock photo via Kosamtu

Originally published: July 5, 2017
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