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Dear Depression, I Think We Need Time Apart

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Old friend, I can’t remember how long we’ve been together. However, I remember the sleepless nights we kept each other awake. When I would ask questions, you would always answer the same. I remember the countless times we spent lying in bed together.

I remember the things people used to say about us. When we went out, they acted like you weren’t even there. Maybe they asked, but you always told me they would never understand us.

I started talking about you to other people. I’m sorry to misuse your trust, but I have realized you lie. You give bad advice. Some people still act like you’re not around. Others I have driven away because you love them, and some people have actually stuck around, although they don’t understand.

I hate talking about myself. After all, you have taught me I’m worthless. I still think at times you are right. What is the point in fuelling my body? I still think I’m worthless for not being a success. I still think I continuously make the biggest screw ups that any human being can possibly make.

This is how I know you’re a liar. How could I be worthless and still screw up to that degree? I am asking you to please leave me alone. It’s not that I don’t love you, but you hold me back. I have so much I want to do. Actually, I just want to experience life more without worry or anxiety, without the worst case scenario stopping me.

I want to be able to say no to things without feeling like I’m letting everyone down. (How egotistical is that anyway?) Seriously, I feel so bad when I can’t do something someone asks me to do. It’s a sickness.

You cause all these things and although you have given me an amazing contrast to see the world, I can only see that contrast when you are not around. How about an hour a day? Just give me my life back.

Look depression, I get you were my way of protecting myself because people are complicated. They are easily offended, but I have learned it’s their problem. I shouldn’t be ashamed to be honest. Some people actually like it. Some are not able to handle it.

Look I’m not saying I’m not grateful. You have shown me how strong I am, but our relationship is toxic. So I think we should spend less time together. Talk to you in a few days. We’ll see how things are then. I think we both could use some time apart.



Originally published: August 3, 2016
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