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I'm Depressed and Exhausted. All. The. Time.

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For me, one of the harder aspects of living with depression is the fact that I am always exhausted. Nothing ever seems to quell the exhaustion. I try to get a good night’s sleep and eat healthy, limit my caffeine intake, etc., but I am always, always exhausted. There are some weekends when I sleep in and take a nap during the day. And yet, when it comes to bedtime, I have no problems falling asleep.

I went away a few months ago with my writing group for our bi-annual writing retreat. The reason for this retreat is to write without the usual distractions that we would have if we were writing at home. About 3:00 p.m. that Saturday, I knew I would have to lay down for a little while. The next morning, one the guys made a comment about my mid-afternoon nap. I said nothing to him, but his comment bothered me.

What’s the hardest part of living with depression? Answer the question below:

I'm wondering what's the hardest part for you? For me, it's having to hide it. Wanting people to see and care, but not wanting them to see because they shouldn't have to worry. #Depression#Anxiety#suicidal#MentalHealth

That weekend was not the first time I’ve had to reduce or cancel previously made weekend plans because of exhaustion. I used to volunteer for an organization that met a few times a year on Sunday morning. After the second cancellation because of exhaustion, I stopped volunteering with them altogether. I simply did not have the energy to wake up on time. There are times when I have to force myself to get out of the house on the weekend, otherwise I will do almost nothing but nap and take care of a few errands.

I was sick with a cold earlier this summer. I spent two days on my couch, sleeping. I realized that if I let myself, I would sleep all day long, every day. But I can’t. I have a job I need to go to five days a week, family and friends to see and a life to live. I just wish I wasn’t so exhausted all of the time.

Unsplash photo via Niklas Hamann

Originally published: August 22, 2018
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