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How Depression Is Like a Light Switch I Can't Control

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“I am good for a while. I’ll talk more, laugh more. Sleep and eat normally. But then something happens, like a switch turns off somewhere. And all I am left with is the darkness of my mind. But each time it seems like I sink deeper and deeper.” M.H

If depression was as easy as turning a switch on and off, I think the world might be a better place. Imagine yourself on one of your darkest days. It is going to be different for everyone, because we all handle “those days” a little differently. If you are anything like me, your body might feel like it is being weighed down by bags of sand. You might not even have the energy to get out of bed. Now think for a second, how amazing would it be to turn on the switch that will lift those bags of sand and make everything bright and happy again.

But the reality is, you can never really know when that light will shine on you again.

The good days will be filled with laughter and friends. You will see that light that shines bright, making your world a better place. The smile on your face will be a genuine smile. Not the kind of smile we are forced to put on that hides darkness inside of us. Everything around you begins to make sense and you start to think maybe this is the end of all this madness. Maybe I wont struggle anymore. But then, it hits.

Just like that, you are covered again in darkness.

Lying alone in bed at 3 p.m., probably telling yourself that this is just a “lazy day” that soon turns into more and more. Suddenly, you might begin to feel all alone. Sinking deeper and deeper. You probably have not talked to any of your friends, and getting upset over the littlest of things is usually an everyday occurrence. Again, your body may begin to feel like it is being weighed down by bags of sand. Sinking deeper and deeper.

Until that switch turns on again.

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Unsplash image via Quinten De Graaf

Originally published: December 21, 2017
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