Why My Short-Term Solution to Depression Means I Struggle With Money

When I say I’m broke because I’m depressed, it’s not what you think. I’m not spending my money on therapy or medication or other treatment.

I’m broke because when something makes me happy, my self-control tends to disappear. I will spend more money than I should because I am fully in the moment of, “hey, I like this thing and who knows when I will be able to have or do this thing again.”

The problem is, I can’t get my own place if I’m spending my money on Pokémon Go raid passes or sushi every other week. I can’t afford to do the things I really want to do because I’m so focused on the instant gratification.

Depression makes happiness feel rare. It’s a commodity I sometimes have to buy, despite the fact I can’t afford it. Paying for those small happy moments adds up to long-term setbacks, but if I don’t let myself spend money on what makes me happy, what’s the alternative? Lying in bed, apathetic, unable to do anything remotely productive?

It’s not a long-term solution. It’s not even a short-term solution, but when I indulge myself, I give myself a little moment of happiness.