The Questions That Haunt Me as Someone With Depression

What if life was all sunshine and rainbows? What if there were no disappointments?

What if?

This is a recurring question we all ask ourselves one time or another, but the truth is life is one hell of a ride with twists and turns no one really expects. With depression, it can make things exceptionally more difficult for us.

As I sit in the forest and just stare out into the wonderful mystery that we call mother nature, I started to think about an issue that touches us all: Why are we on this earth? To reproduce, develop and grow, go to school and work until we die. “What is this life really about?” I thought to myself. Society has changed everyone’s views on what the meaning of life really is. Everyone wants to stand out of the crowd and be remembered, but it’s not all that easy. Life should be about growing from within and being who you were truly meant to be — no one should tell you what you can and cannot do.

With depression it is hard to stay committed to someone or something, it takes all the more effort to do so. You don’t want to seem rude, but you can’t help it. I, for instance, can’t be around many people without feeling like everyone is watching me, I can’t clean my house or wash the dishes without pushing myself to the limit and I struggle to say no to people, because I am afraid I might hurt their feelings. Then I want to kick myself for saying yes to something I don’t really want to do. What if I wasn’t depressed? Would my life be completely different compared to what it is now? Would I be a different person? This is a tricky question because no one really knows what life would be like without its obstacles.

The truth is that all of your fears, troubles, disappointments and disorders made you the person you are today and you should be damn proud about that. There is not one single person in this whole world that compares to you. You are unique. You are special. You are you.

Embrace it. You are not alone.

Until next time,
Nikki

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.

Getty image via Any_Li