What You Should Know About the Girl With Unwashed Hair

The main thing people ask about my mental health is how I cope when it gets bad.

The answer is, I don’t.

I spend days upon days in bed or zoned out. I barely eat, drink or even move. The problem is that I have college on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, and I still have to go no matter how I’m feeling. It may sound gross, but sometimes I wear the same clothes all week, which means on days I go to college, people can see I’m dirty. I don’t brush my hair, just get out of bed and go.

When I get bad, the thing that feels “grossest” about me is my personal hygiene.

Laying in bed for days on end in the same clothes does things to a person, but the fact that I often go a week or more without bathing or washing (yes, it’s disgusting, but it’s the truth) is probably the worst thing that I do. This is due to the fact that I cannot be alone with myself, or the urge to cut gets worse. I’ve gone to college with greasy hair, dirty skin, smelling like a junk yard and I’m disgusted by the state I let myself get in, but in the moment I don’t care. It takes so much energy to just exist, I cannot physically pull myself out of bed for long enough to take care of my most basic needs.

Join the conversation if you need support:

The reality of mental illness can be disgusting and horrible, but I hope I am not the only person who goes through this. Sharing this has been a self-healing, and I hope soon I can get better at dealing with my illnesses when they get bad.

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

If you struggle with self-harm and you need support right now, call the crisis hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “START” to 741741. For a list of ways to cope with self-harm urges, click here.

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Getty image via Softulka