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I Won't Let Depression Keep Me From Going to UNC

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Ever since the fifth grade, I’ve dreamed about going to UNC-Chapel Hill and majoring in English. Right now though, that dream seems like merely a wish, like a shot in the dark. I’ve dreamed about what it would be like to start there as a freshman, and can almost see myself passing the Old Well walking along the pristine pathways on my way to class. I was not treated well in high school, however, and thanks to medical issues, I had to withdraw from my junior year of high school and eventually ended up earning a GED. UNC requires four years of high school credits and having only two years has effectively put that dream on hold. It’s hard to see some of the same people who treated me so poorly in high school enjoying their time at UNC, and I would do anything to be in their position.

Depression has me on the verge of withdrawing from my college courses yet again, and it feels like things will never get better. I know they will, but depression has a funny way of making you believe things that are simply not true. Right now, it feels like there’s an anchor attached to everything, and no matter what I do or say, nothing will move. I miss my dad, and feel remorse over the fact that we didn’t get to spend more time together. I look on Facebook, and see pictures of my classmates at UNC football games and wish I was there. I know if I was given the chance, I could succeed there. And that’s the hardest part, knowing I could do well and thrive there but cannot attend since I don’t meet the requirements.

I’ve been through more in my 19 years of earth than most kids have in a lifetime, and my experiences in life should more than make up for my lack of credits. Sadly, it doesn’t work like that. I’ve had to battle through learning disabilities, and mean kids, just to prove I have a spot at the table and am just as capable as anyone of my peers.

Tonight through, depression would like to have me believe that I am not worth it. That I am a failure, that nothing good will come from my life.

Well, depression, I refuse to believe your lies.

I will continue to push forward and try my best to one day achieve my dream. One day, I hope I find myself in Chapel Hill, walking to The Dean Smith Center and ready to cheer on my Tar Heels.

On that day, my dream will finally be a reality, and I will cry. I will cry because I will finally be a Tar Heel, something I have longed to be ever since the fifth grade.

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Thinkstock photo by Lance King

Originally published: October 25, 2016
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