What 'I'm Tired' Really Means When You Live With Depression
Most of the time, when I say, “I’m tired,” I’m more than just tired.
“I’m tired,” really means I am weak. Not just physically, but mentally. I look in the mirror and I don’t even recognize who I am looking at. My self-confidence has drained, my anxieties have taken control of my consciousness and all I see in my reflection are two blue eyes, lost and confused.
“I’m tired,” really means I feel alone. I feel left out and abandoned. I know I did this to myself, I did the thing again where I put as much distance as I can between me and everyone. I didn’t mean to do it, it’s just a bad habit of mine I can’t control. I want to call everyone back to me, to say, “Help me feel again,” but the words are lost in my tears at night.
“I’m tired,” really means I’m confused. I’ve been trying so hard to keep up this act of being happy and friendly and trying to control my temper, but yet, I still feel so crappy about life. I don’t understand why I can smile but still feel sad. Why I can laugh all the time and yet also want to cry all the time. A voice inside my head is constantly asking, “What is wrong with me?” and another, softer voice always replies with, “I don’t know.”
“I’m tired,” really means I am exhausted. My brain is fried and burnt to a crisp. My thoughts have been racing for too long and now all my body is telling me to do is sleep. I’ve started to abandon all responsibilities, I’ve turned my phone on silent so it would be easier to ignore the texts and calls and I’ve started to sleep in the same clothes for days. I should care, I know I should care, but caring just takes up too much of my energy.
Lastly, “I’m tired,” really means I am depressed. I need help and this is the only way I know how to ask for it. I’ve been fighting this war for years and every battle just keeps on getting harder and harder. I can’t do this by myself anymore, and I need you to help me.
Please, I’m tired.
Can you relate? Let Raistlyn know in the comments below.
Photo by Lacie Slezak on Unsplash