“Why are you acting like a maniac? Just kidding, you OK?”
This is what someone texted me. He apparently had seen some things I had posted on Facebook about having a tough time. And this was his comment to me. All I had to see was “maniac,” and I lost it. Sitting at work, the tears flowed. I broke down yet again… when all I was trying to do was not cry today at work. Now I sit here with my face red, hoping someone does not come to my office to ask me for something. I am so embarrassed. Embarrassed for the way I look now and embarrassed for what all people must think of me. Feeling alone… and like a maniac… an outcast.
Instead of not responding as someone at work suggested, I did. I told him that his comment did not help. I told him that I was going through depression and that I am just trying to get through the day. He apologized… but… it was too late.
If he had really read what I had put on Facebook, he would’ve known not to say what he did. I posted things about anxiety and depression.
I just read an article that says how depression tells you lies. I guess that is true and I am trying to remind myself of that. Right now though, I feel like the black sheep of the family… of the world. I feel like I have made a fool of myself. I wish I could hide from everyone… but at the same time, I need everyone.
People need to really be careful with what they say..
You never know what can make or break someone. One word… maniac…turned my world upside down today. Praying for everyone who feels like a “maniac.” We will get through this. Never giving up.
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Thinkstock photo via karandaev
I have suffered with anxiety for as long as I can remember. I was diagnosed with having panic attacks and OCD. I was “housebound” at one time…so some agoraphobia. Everyday I have some sort of physical symptom and/or anxiety. I keep pushing because I have to. I am working, but some days I am just getting by. I know that I still white knuckle some things. I take nothing for granted. I am always reminding myself of things that I could not do at one time, that now I can. OR…whenever a memory is brought up, I always remember that anxiety that came along with it. Nothing in my life was done without some sort of anxiety in it. I originally came here to tell my story and to help others. I started a support group called “Let’s Talk “and am working on two books…”helping you help yourself. ” I am in a bit of a setback right now though (after losing my parents). So I am back to avoiding and panicking and being depressed. I feel alone with my anxiety. No one should feel alone. I hope that I can help you in someway through your recovery. *To join my facebook group that meets occasionally, please request to join "Let's Talk Anxiety Disorders in Maryland."
katierolfes