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What Self-Care Looks Like on the Days My Mental Illness 'Wins'

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It’s one of those days I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s one of those days I don’t want to get out of bed. I just want to cover my head and shut out the world.

On days like this, I feel like my mental illness is winning. I get out of bed and put on a brave face for the kids even though I feel like I’m dying inside. I think they might like days like this because I don’t have the energy to fix a healthy breakfast, so they get junky sugar-filled cereal, cookies. The name of the game is easy.

Today, I will probably let them watch movies all day until my husband gets home from work because today, I need survival. I want to pretend I’m OK and let them have fun. I tell myself tomorrow will be better, and let go of the mommy guilt that tells me I’m rotting their brains.

Sometimes, this is what self-care looks like. Self-care can mean abandoning everything that’s not necessary for survival and just doing what you can that day. And that’s OK. It may not feel OK, but sometimes, the bare minimum is all you can muster.

So, for today, I’m letting my mental illness win. Because today, this is what self-care looks like.

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Originally published: May 16, 2016
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