The Morning Inner Monologue of Someone With Depression

The silence is loud
When it’s your own voice
Screaming inside your head
Trying to convince you
To drown yourself in the sheets
Of your own bed.

A conversation in my head…

I’m tired. Can I just stay in bed today?

No!

One day in bed isn’t going to kill me. I’m not depressed, at least I don’t think it’s depression. I’m just tired. Maybe my body just needs to rest.

No, you need to get up. You need to do something productive.

But, I’m not feeling right.

You need to put food out for the stray cats. You need to work on your writing. You said you wanted to focus on that so you have to do it. You haven’t even gone for a walk in over a week, you’ve just been sitting on your fat ass writing and watching TV. You need to get up.

Maybe I’m getting sick, but I don’t think I am. I don’t feel sad, I haven’t even thought about killing myself lately… well until now that I just mentioned it. But it wasn’t an active thought I was just saying it to prove a point. I just feel tired. I just feel like I need more sleep. I just want to lie here.

You got almost 10 hours of sleep. You’re tired because you slept too much. You’re tired because you don’t do anything. You’re tired because you need to exercise your body and your mind. All you do is complain and make excuses. You’re not trying hard enough. You don’t want it badly enough.

I do. I just get so overwhelmed. Thinking about it is exhausting.

Less thinking, more doing!

My body hurts. My head hurts. I just want to lay here a little longer.

Get up!

I do want to get up and go for a walk. I do want to get up and write. I do want to get up and cook something. I do want to get up and shower. I do want to do all these things but there’s so many things. I don’t know where to start.

All I’m hearing are excuses. If you want to do all these things just get up off your fat ass and do all these things. No one is stopping you but you. No one is keeping you in this bed or in this apartment. It’s all in your head.

You’re in my head!

You’re gonna be a fat, lazy, pathetic, unemployed, loser your whole life because you wont do what you know you need to do!

I’m trying.

Not hard enough.

Please stop!

Make me!

OK, I’m up. I’m up.

Can you relate? Let Lyndsey know in the comments below.

Follow this journey on Into the Darkness.