My Hope for the New Year as Someone With Depression and Anxiety
My depression and anxiety make me doubt myself all day, every day. I rarely feel confident in the decisions I make, whether it’s something as small as an outfit for the day or something as drastic as deciding on a career.
My anxiety says, “Are you sure this is what you want to do? What if something goes wrong? What if there’s a better option? You should ask everyone for their opinion because anyone else’s judgement is better than yours.”
Simultaneously, my depression says, “Why do you even bother? It probably won’t work out, nothing ever does. Does it even matter? You’ll probably end up disappointing people anyway.”
All of these thoughts race through my mind, creating a dreadful background noise. There is no clarity of thought in these moments.
My New Year’s resolution for 2017 is to learn to trust myself. I’m aware that my illnesses will sometimes impede this goal, but I want to work on it nonetheless. I can’t help but imagine how much more fulfilling my life would be if I had confidence in my decisions. I want to be able to decide on something and block out the doubtful thoughts that scatter throughout my mind.
I want to trust myself again. I know I am strong, intelligent and capable of making great decisions. My hope for the New Year is that I allow myself to remember these statements instead of allowing myself to be consumed by worry. I can’t shut off my depression and anxiety, but I will do everything in my power to learn to trust myself in 2017.
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