Finding Beauty in a Life With Depression

Sitting in a Starbucks this past Friday, working on an English assignment, I began to wonder why this world was so broken. I was sad, but not without any apparent reason. This time I was once again back at school, and armed with antidepressants, I was determined to finish. I still am, but somedays are inevitably harder than others. Some days I just want to stay in bed and cry, while the world goes about its business. I’m convinced it wouldn’t really miss me. After all, isn’t there enough sadness in the world?

I wish I could still text this girl I used to talk to, someone who also has depression and could at least understand what I go through. She seems to be long gone though now, but who knows, maybe she’ll be back. Even on days like today, when I’m in a state of deep sadness and sorrow, I still hold onto the tiniest glimmers of hope. Hope that tomorrow will be a better today, hope that the sun will once again shine and bring new people and opportunities into my life. With depression, it can often be hard to find happiness.

Sometimes, I just have to intentionally create my own. Whether it be jamming out to Taylor Swift, or writing letters to people I will never send, the path to happiness looks different for everyone. Depression and sadness suck, but it’s also made me that much more thankful for the times I feel happy, for the times when I’m not sad. This world is broken, that is true. It’s filled with plenty of sad stories and sad people, but I’d like to think that for all that sadness, there still remains happiness. There still remains love. There still remains the first date, the first step in what will inevitably lead towards love. And isn’t that something to be happy about? Even for all the sadness, does love not still remain? I am convinced that it still does, and that in the end, love will indeed win.

So today, I choose to smile about that.

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