Getting Through the Hours of Depression

Seven hours. That was the total amount of time I felt so down. I couldn’t talk to anyone. I stayed in a room with blinds all shut. I couldn’t smile. I couldn’t laugh. I couldn’t make jokes. It was all black and gray. Sadness surrounded me. And my mind was blank. No thoughts. Just nothingness.

One hour. I took a shower. A person I respected so much said that taking a shower and going about your day can help you with these down moods. So, I stepped into the shower, put the heater on cold, squeezed shampoo on my hand, then suddenly tears started to flow on my face. I know it’s like the one in the movies where you get heart broken and you start sobbing in the shower and the tears mix with the water. It was nothing and something like that. You cry but you don’t feel anything. You are numb but you are crying. But then it hurts like being heart broken but no one broke your heart.

Three hours. The amount of time I cried my eyes out. I was in bed, scrolling through Facebook and Instagram then I suddenly felt this punch of sadness. I put down my phone. That was when the water works started. It started slow. Just a few tears then I could go back to my scrolling. Then I’ll put down my phone again then started crying again. I felt alone in my head. I was alone.

Two hours. I started to cry like in one of those dramas, with all those tears. At this time, tears were nonstop. I tried to dry my hair. I tried to comb my hair but the tears wouldn’t stop. I couldn’t function. I have an online baking shop and I had orders to fulfill so, I had to put it together and start baking but nope, my body and mind shouted, “CRY!” So, I cried and cried until it was hard to breathe. When I really couldn’t stop I called my mom. She helped me. She hugged me and told me it was OK and that I should cry it all out. It was hard to show your weakness to people, but sometimes it’s the only way to get you through those dark times.

One hour. Baking is said to be therapeutic. I chopped my chocolate. I cut up my butter. But, tears welled up in my eyes. I told myself, “Girl! get it together!” I put some music on and I guess it worked. I was able to finish all my baking.

The dark times will be there. It will be at the back of your mind, but there will be times when it will consume you. Don’t let it. Don’t let it win. If you want to cry, just cry. But if it goes beyond that then it’s time to accept the fact that it’s a medical emergency. Don’t let it defeat you. Go through the process and overcome those obstacles. I know you can do it!