I am almost impressed by how worthless depression and unemployment can make you feel.
If you have depression, chances are you already question your worth. Unemployment can seem like confirmation of your worthlessness. Job searching is like a really un-fun game to see how many times you can be rejected and still get back up after. Every rejection can make you question your own worth. Am I not good enough for that job? Am I not smart enough, skilled enough, nice enough? Am I not worthy of a job?
Since I graduated, I’ve been looking for full-time work. The job search isn’t going that well. I place some of the blame on the poor job market and some of the blame on myself. Yes, it doesn’t help I live in a city that was hit hard by the recession and hasn’t really recovered. Yes, it doesn’t help I’m overwhelmed by anxiety every time I send out a resume. There are many reasons things aren’t going well. It’s a complex problem. Yet my brain likes to tell me that it’s a really simple thing — I mean, isn’t it clear? I’m unemployed because I’m worthless!
The truth is, I’m probably not worthless. You’re probably not worthless either. I’m not sure if I’ve met a person without any worth.
So how do you combat the feelings of worthless that come with depression and unemployment?
I really wish I knew the answer to that question!
I’ve been trying to do a few things to keep my mood up. I’ve been doing some exercise. I’ve been taking some vitamins. I try to get out of the house once in a while. I’ve been doing some writing (though not on this blog obviously, oops). It all helps a little, but it’s not a perfect solution. I still have to fight the feelings of worthlessness.
But if I stop fighting the feelings, I know I will just get more depressed and feel more worthless. If that happens, I don’t think I will have the strength to continue my job search, which would make me even more depressed and worthless-feeling. Vicious circle, no? So even though I’m tired and sad, I keep going.
Hopefully that’s enough for now.
Follow this journey on This Is a Depression Blog.
Michelle is a 20-something writer from Canada. She has been blogging about her experiences with mental health at This is a Depression Blog for over four years.
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