When Depression Is Like Being Stuck in a Movie Theater

I’ve been ask many times how “it” is making me feel today.

Many people can’t even stomach the word depression without the look of pity.

My response is always a generic, “I’ll be fine. Thanks.”

When in actuality, I feel alone in a huge room covered in blackness.

Basically, I’m right in the middle seat of a movie theatre, completely unaware of what is going to come on the screen. So far I have seen bright and colorful times with a great story.

However, there have been scary times with my anxiety playing the serial killer chasing after me. There has even been sad times when all I want to do is curl up and cry. But what I see most and what my depression feels like mostly is static — the kind that comes once the movie is over and the people have left.

No one cares once the story seems over.

Few stay for the credits of who made this possible,

But no one stays when the screen goes black and grey.

If they do, it’s never for long.

They get bored or tired of “the same old thing.”

They don’t understand why I don’t get up and leave, but I’m strapped to the seat.

If I could control it, I would.

If I could change it, I would.

If I could just get over it, I would.

But I can’t.

I’m completely trapped and forced to face what is showing on the screen.

So every day I sit, I wait and I watch to see how my day will be.

I don’t have a say in what is on the screen.

I just get to feel whatever it is.

Until the day the straps come off, I’ll stay trapped in my seat,

Of my depressing movie theatre.