When a Mom Whose Child Asked About My Son's Disability Told Her to 'Just Keep Walking'
The boys and I were at the grocery store this afternoon, and as usual my older son excitedly pushed his brother around and caught the eyes of a few shoppers. There were two in particular who were extra curious, a boy and girl close to the ages 3 and 6. The little girl watched my little guy being pushed with curiosity as we zoomed by her, grabbing a pineapple and plums.
I heard “Mom, that looks like a wheelchair” coming from her as they began to pass us on the other side by the butter lettuce and bell peppers.
What came next from mom surprised me. ”Shhh… just keep walking.”
Just keep walking? This was most definitely not what I expected, and I immediately felt a twinge of sadness in my chest.
I wanted to turn around and say this:
It’s OK if she’s curious. It’s OK if she wants to know why he isn’t walking. It’s all right if she talks to him; in fact it’s welcome. He’s a little boy, just like your little boy. He’s sweet and charming with the most adorable grin. He loves Bubble Guppies and pulling his big brother’s hair. Please don’t tell your children to just keep walking. With that one sentence, you just taught your daughter to ignore someone with a disability, to ignore someone who is different. You taught her not to see my son.
Now I don’t know if Mom helped explain his need for a wheelchair on their way out of the store. I can only hope she did. I can only hope she assured her children that people come with many different abilities, and we can embrace each others’ differences.
Parents, please teach your children that being different is OK, and it’s more than OK to ask questions.
Help your kids make sense of it all, because if you don’t, who will? They need you to help them understand.
If you don’t have the answers, all you need to say is “maybe you should talk to him?” We all know that moms love to talk about their kids, and as a mom of a child with special needs, I won’t pass up a chance to advocate and teach others. I don’t have all the answers, but I will be more than happy to try to answer any questions your kids may have.
Please encourage them to walk up to us and have a chat.
Teach them acceptance, not ignorance.
Show them love, not avoidance.
And most of all, don’t tell your kids to simply keep on walking with their questions swimming in their heads.
Start the conversation, and please let them see my son.
Follow this journey on Christopher’s Journey with Courage Determination and Grace.
Melissa is a blogger, advocate for children with special needs, wife and a mother of four great boys: one “bonus” son, sensitive 10 year old, cheeky and smart 7 year old with PMM2-CDG, and a nearly 3 year old who turns life upside down daily. They live in a house where toys and equipment take over every single space. She’s come to love writing to share their struggles as well as triumphs. Melissa is a blogger, advocate for children with special needs, wife and a mother of three great boys: one “bonus” teenager, rambunctious 5-year-old and a 3 year old with PMM2-CDG. They live in a house where toys and equipment take over every single space. She’s come to love writing to share their struggles as well as triumphs.
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