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How to Look and Feel Sexy on Valentine's Day With a Disability

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There is no better excuse than Valentine’s Day to channel your inner Beyonce and act like the sexy goddess you are. Whether you’re planning a romantic night out, dinner with girlfriends, or a date night with Netflix and some cheap champagne, February 14th is all about looking and feeling red hot — disability or not.

OK, I know it’s a Hallmark holiday. I get it, if you’re not the Hallmark Christmas movie type, you may think Valentine’s Day is cheesy and over-commercialized, which of course it is. But is there really a downside to a day celebrating love? Plus, I heard they remove all the calories from chocolate when it’s molded into hearts.

But I’m Not Sexy

You don’t have to look like a Victoria’s Secret model or wear high heels to be sexy. You can be the hottest woman in a room and enter it holding a cane or wearing leg braces. It’s all about attitude and how you feel in your own skin.

When your hyper-focus on your flaws, you inadvertently tell others to pay attention to them too. A sexy woman with a disability accepts her imperfections and knows how to rock her best assets.

The good news is that you can learn how to be body confident with a disability.

To be sexy, you have to think you’re sexy. The best illustration I’ve seen of this is in the movie “I Feel Pretty” by Amy Schumer. Did you see it? It got pretty horrible reviews, but I loved it. Basically, a woman named Renee (Amy’s character), who struggles with major insecurity and rejection on a daily basis, hits her head and wakes up believing she has morphed into a supermodel.

Although Renee’s physical appearance never actually changes, her self-perception does. By thinking and believing she was beautiful, Renee becomes confident. This confidence gives her the courage to take risks and be open to new opportunities, including love.

Of course, falling off of a spin bike will not have the same magical effect off screen as it did on screen. But you can alter your self-image by learning to change the thoughts you have about yourself.

But It’s a Lot of Work

For those of us in relationships, Valentine’s Day is our annual reminder to spice things up and prevent monotony in long term monogamy. By making an effort (like shaving your legs or getting waxed) you send your partner the unspoken “you’re worth it” message. This act alone is an aphrodisiac, which is great because watching me attempt to eat an oyster would be the antithesis of a turn on.

It is important not to blow off Valentine’s Day, anniversaries or any event celebrating your relationship. They are an opportunity for couples to be intimate, share memories and remember the qualities that initially attracted one person to the other.

This is especially true when one partner relies on the other for physical assistance and/or caregiving due to disabilities. Unless you’re playing out a doctor/nurse fantasy, it’s important to keep the caretaking to a minimum in the bedroom and to have equal giver and taker roles. To really spice things up, why not try one of these disability-inclusive sex positions, or buy a new accessible sex toy.

But I Don’t Have a Valentine

If you’re single and looking for love, Valentine’s Day may not rank high on your list of favorite holidays. I feel your pain and get it. After getting divorced in my early 40s I worried I’d spend February 14th alone (with a bunch of cats) forever. I believed that my disability would be a deal breaker for any man I’d want a long-term relationship with. Fortunately, I was wrong.

If you’re newly single and have similar worries, get my best tips for online dating with an invisible disability.

Your story is completely up to you and you get to choose how you want to live it. You can stay home feeling bad this Valentine’s Day eating a chocolate version of the perfect man or woman, or you can put yourself out there and meet new characters that may change the plot of your adventure with a disability story.

But I Have Nothing to Wear

I never need an excuse for a new outfit, but if you do then Valentine’s Day is a great one. Although sexiness comes from within, an outfit that flatters your figure and shows a little skin doesn’t hurt.

There is a fine line between dressing sexy vs dressing trashy. Here are some basic rules of thumb:

• Choose one sexy area to highlight (boobs or legs, never both).
• Wear fitted clothes, not tight clothes.
• Tactile fabrics like cashmere or a faux fur jacket can be alluring.
• Wear fun accessories to highlight your best features.
• Undergarments matter (flashback to the girdle scene in “St. Elmo’s Fire”).

Of course you should wear clothing that’s comfortable and that you feel great in. You could also wear something black you already own and add something sexy and unexpected like a pair of AFO-friendly boots.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Originally published: February 7, 2019
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