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Remembering My Pregnancy With a Prenatal Down Syndrome Diagnosis

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I radiated happiness now that I was finally pregnant. The past 9 months had been a bit trying: making sure I could get pregnant and stressing about getting pregnant.

I remember that beautiful summer day, when I got that first reassurance there was a little life inside me. I remember the joy of seeing that perfect heartbeat on the screen. My husband, oldest daughter and I walked out overjoyed, hand in hand and skipping along the road.

I dreamt about out future as a sweet family of four — what our future would be like. I pictured it so fun and so complete.

Then on a bright sunny day, a day when time seemed perfect and I should have known life was about to change, someone said, “life can’t be that happy.” Nothing could put the pieces of my heart back together after a prenatal diagnosis of a heart defect and Down syndrome for that baby girl I wished for.

I felt completely broken, losing hope and feeling unbelievably fearful of the unknown. I mourned the loss of a child I dreamed of.

As the days and months went by, I cried and leaned on those closest to me. I fell on my knees and prayed in desperation.

One day, I don’t recall exactly when, but my heart started to put the pieces back together and it finally became whole again. My family was completed on a crisp, sunny day; the day Jordan Grace came into this world after a couple of gentle pushes.

When she was placed on my chest, I felt as if she looked right into my soul. I knew then life would be better than I could have ever imagined. After all, my dreams had come true, that little girl I dreamed of having was finally here in my arms.

Three years later, I’m at a place I never imagined I’d be. Those dark days when I couldn’t see past my belly, when I couldn’t imagine what life would be like, are now forever buried and placed away.

I am the happiest I’ve ever been; my family is united and full of love. I’m not sure anyone has a perfect family or life, but it feels so good living this life!

Dear mom to be with a Down syndrome diagnosis, not to spoil the ending, but everything is going to be OK!

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Originally published: December 8, 2017
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