The Mighty Logo

To My Daughter With Down Syndrome on Her 10th Birthday

The most helpful emails in health
Browse our free newsletters

Dear Little One,

It was 4:00 a.m. on a chilly and oddly windy Wednesday morning. I hadn’t slept much the night before, partly because I was a bit overly tired but mostly because I was ready to see your face. Your grandmothers and I had spent the whole day before getting ready for you after leaving the doctor’s office.

I thought I had another week, but she said, “Go to the hospital and register. You’re having this baby tomorrow.”

No one really brought essentials to your shower the week before. I didn’t have diapers. I didn’t have a car seat carrier. I didn’t know that I would need so much more than just those basic things. What I did have was a lot of cute outfits and wipes…lots of wipes. I didn’t know I would need more items than what the people around me could understand the use for.

I thought I had another week.

I got to the hospital at dark o’clock and checked in. I wore a navy blue swing dress with gold buttons on the back. The receptionist commented on how pretty it was. I thought it was pretty myself. I needed something pretty to calm my nerves. I didn’t know that my uneasy familiarity with hospitals would start on this day. The grandmas sat in those waiting room chairs with the wooden arms and nervously smiled as I walked through those double doors. I don’t know who was more afraid, me or them. The nurses smiled and I was silently terrified. You were oblivious and oddly still. This was usually party time for you in there.

I thought I had another week…I would be calmer in another week.

Two epidurals, a warm blanket and a chatty nurse later I was wheeled into surgery. Through my extreme near-sighted astigmatism laden blur I listened to the metal clink symphony of sterilized tools and the shuffle of shoe covers on a tile floor. I glanced the incandescent red glow of a digital wall clock through a squint as I heard, “We’ll have a baby in about five minutes.” I was happy, scared, excited, terrified, anxious and nervous and wanted to tell them to wait because I wasn’t ready.

I thought I had another week.

It was 7:53 a.m. I met a little punkin of a baby girl swaddled tightly like a tiny burrito. I looked at her and said, “Hi Cairo. I’m your mommy. It’s nice to meet you.” I was so happy to see that little face. You were that little face. I noticed a dimple on your chin.

I was glad that I didn’t have another week.

Then the shuffling got more intense, and you were gone. There was no light banter from the nurses. I didn’t know that I was having a crisis of my own. I just knew that I couldn’t wait to see you again and kiss that little face and check for that little dimple and be thankful that I didn’t have another week.

It was Jan. 20, 2010. One decade ago. Happy Birthday Cairo.  Welcome to double digits.

Love, MiMi.

 

 

A version of this story originally appeared on Countdown To K.

Photo submitted my contributor.

Originally published: January 20, 2020
Want more of The Mighty?
You can find even more stories on our Home page. There, you’ll also find thoughts and questions by our community.
Take Me Home