If the Impossible Were Possible, I Would Do These Things for My Son

Dear Jakey,

If the impossible were possible, I would erase the extra chromosome from your genetic ladder. I would change those fleeting yet powerful words first spoken to me minutes after your arrival on earth. I would have given you a different makeup, a different start, a different challenge.

Please understand, I would never give up the wonderful soul that you are. I would never give up the smiling, beautiful face I wake to every morning, or your sun-drenched hair that shimmers in the summer light. I would never change your infectious laugh, your sparkling sky blue eyes, or your rosebud-dimpled cheeks.

If the impossible were possible, I would have spared you the suffering you have endured from your surgeries, the doctor visits, the testing and, most of all, being away from your home and family.

I would have cured your heart with the kiss of my lips, and your stomach with the whisper of my hand. I would take the pain you feel every day and the sleep you miss every night and turn it into magic.

If the impossible were possible, I would give you the power to walk, talk and think like others your own age. I would teach you how to play baseball or show you how to ride a skateboard. Together we would sing songs and dance silly dances on the kitchen floor. I would give you a long and happy life.

I don’t want you to worry about being different or worry about your health. I don’t want to wonder what your future holds and where you might be after your father and I are gone.

If the impossible were possible, I would ask God why he gave you that extra chromosome. I would ask Him why He thought I was a mother capable of handling a child with a disability. I’d ask why He thought a mother with bipolar disorder could possibly handle a child with so many demands, when I can barely handle myself.

I would beg Him to never take you from me. I would ask Him to watch over you, and give you the courage you will need to endure this sometimes troubled and unkind world.

If the impossible were possible, I would ask for a cure for Down syndrome so that no other child would have to live a life that others may never understand.

Lastly, I would ask him to give humankind both patience and kindness so they may feel the same joy as I do when I see your beautiful soul.

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