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When an Endometriosis Flare-Up Attacks

When a flare-up attacks, it becomes this battlefield inside of me and turns into this horrendous war with all my organs. My own body holds me hostage. It is almost as if I’ve become frozen. I crouch over, holding my stomach waiting, hoping, wishing the pain would stop. I become dizzy, see stars and thoughts that my life is about to end begin to race through my mind. I need to use the bathroom, and as I try, I sit there in tears because of the pain. At this point, I just want my life to end. I try to remember what it is I ate or did that day that could have caused the beast to awaken inside of me.

woman lying on couch with the text 'when flare-ups attack'

This beast has become a norm in my everyday life. From the moment I wake up to the minute I go to bed, she is in my body waiting to stir up some sort of evil plan. It puts a hold on many everyday activities for me. However, not every day is a battlefield inside of my body. Some days the beast does allow me to have very limited pain, but one wrong move, and it is war.

 

Flare-ups can be exhausting; they suck the life right out of me. I find whenever I have a day I am more active or eating non-endo-friendly foods, I pay for it later that evening and even for a few days after. My hips and pelvis become sore, my period will at times randomly show up and my whole body will feel like it inflated like a balloon.

Most days, I can tell when a flare-up is coming. I become hot and clammy, nauseous and always have a low-grade fever. Sometimes, the pain is so bad, lying down does not even help. The level of discomfort with a flare-up is real. It is usually not something I can shake off, like hitting my funny bone. It is there, and it will linger until it is ready to be finished.

Some days I feel like I would rather get run over by a bus then wait out a flare-up. The pain can become so excruciating my entire body aches. From the top of my head, all the way down to the tips of my toes. Pain shoots out of every direction it can. It almost feels as though my insides are tangled, wrapped around each other and squeezing so tight. You know that tight feeling you experience when you are getting your blood pressure done? Times that feeling by 100 and imagine it happening inside your body.

The sad thing is there are not many things I can do when my body is in this state of attack. As of now, endometriosis has no actual cure. Doctors throw all sorts of ideas out there that we can “try,” but they do not necessarily cure the beast. For some women, they can find relief, while for others it is a constant battle. For me, when my body is under attack, I find yoga, drinking a lot of water, light walking and spreading out on the floor seem to help me. However, sometimes, what you really need to do is just cry. Let it out. Never be embarrassed or ashamed.

Every day is a constant battle with what type of flare-up I will have. However, every day I also become stronger. This illness will not define me and I will not let it decide what type of life I am going to live. Flare-ups and all, I am here, boxing gloves on, ready to fight. Always remember you are stronger than you may feel.

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