Gastroparesis, I'm Taking My Life Back From You

Dear Gastroparesis,

I writing this letter to let you know that our time is through. You have been with me for over two and a half years now. I will no longer be treated the way the you treat me. You have taken nearly everything from me, and have given nothing in return. This is why you must leave.

When we first got together, long before I knew what you were, I thought OK, well, this is not the best relationship ever, but you still allowed me to eat and drink, only giving me pain every now and then. Still, before I knew what you were, you decided that this was not enough. You now wanted me to limit how much, and what I ate, or you would become angry and abuse me with your pain, and occasional nausea. This still was not enough for you. You made the choice without even asking me to rob me of basically all food, even liquid, or you made sure I paid greatly with your pain. You did this until you nearly broke me. You left me malnourished, weakend in every way, and bedridden. You forced me to seek my nutrition from elsewhere.

At one point, I thought maybe, just maybe, you had seen reason. I still could not eat, really, but I had energy that was never there before. My pain was all but gone; even the nausea greatly improved. I was willing to accept you into my life again. I was stupid, and ignorant in thinking that you would let me be. Nothing was ever too much for you. The feeding tube got pulled and you took control. You knew just how to get to me. Not only that, you decided that I need to gain back some of that weight that I had lost, even with barely eating. You were cruel and selfish.

Even after getting the tube replaced, you wouldn’t leave me alone. Not only was the pain and nausea not enough for you, but now you wanted me void of everything. Everything I ate made me so sick that I had to rid it from my body, in manners most unpleasant. Not only that, but you also would not allow me to gain my necessary nutrients by tube either, once again robbing me of all that I had.

You make me stay in the house, often bedridden, and when I do decide to venture out, you make me pay dearly for this. You have robbed me of my friends, my family, even my sanity at times. You have made me so depressed that I no longer wanted to participate in life. I am not the only one you have done this to. You have also taken the lives of my friends. You continually abuse them, just like you do me.

Well, I say NO MORE! You are no longer allowed in my life. I will NOT let you tear me down. My life has no need for you! Nor do I EVER want to see you again!

I will fight to eradicate you, and to make you and your way of life known. People WILL know of you, and there WILL be a cure. You no longer hold all the cards, my friend. I am taking over, and I will not be satisfied until you are a long-lost, forgotten memory!

Signing you away,

Tracy Thomas

The Mighty is asking its readers the following: If you could write a letter to the disability or disease you (or a loved one) face, what would you say to it? If you’d like to participate, please send a blog post to community@themighty.com. Please include a photo for the piece, a photo of yourself and 1-2 sentence bio.